i'm ready

This has been quite a powerful week for me.

Mostly because I've had a sort of epiphany of change, taking the steps that are necessary to be what I want to be.

Fit, healthy, long-nailed.

I stopped biting my nails towards the end of 2013. It just happened, like suddenly I realized that if I wanted to stop biting my nails, I should just stop biting them. What a crazy world. I've been biting and tearing my nails for my entire life (well, I don't know about little baby Caitlin, but most likely she was biting everything she could get her hands on, including her own hands). Why?

Here's the truth: Dusty bought me some amazing super-glitter OPI nail polishes for Christmas. So I started painting my nails pretty much every night, completely enamored with them, wanting to try different patterns and colors. And I stopped biting my nails because they were so pretty. 

I suddenly had the will and the reason to allow myself long, strong, beautiful nails. 

I'm never doubting the power of glitter again.

The other part of my epiphany is that I've started working out almost every day.

Why haven't I always been doing this?

The epiphany part is that I actually enjoy it. I enjoy it because I grabbed a friend to do it with me, and it's a game changer when you start looking forward to meeting up every night -- to laughing while you do jumping jacks to a cheesy workout video, to having awkwardly great conversations while running outside, wheezing and so out of breath, so cold that your tears are freezing to your cheeks.

Then you celebrate and feel amazing and grab your water bottle and say, "see you tomorrow!"

All the while knowing that your body is changing and getting stronger and is so sore the next day because of a job well done. What's more straight forward than that?

Dusty and I started doing Herbalife last year and have really been enjoying it, and it has helped us lose some weight and feel so great. It has also inspired us to eat better and eat out much less (I also have to thank eMeals for that, which I'm so happy with that I would gladly do a million commercials for it. It's on Groupon right now, go buy it ASAP! It'll change your life. You can thank me later.)

But being healthy and fit is more than that, it's intentional and it's active. 

I'm not gonna lie, I have fallen into the typical marriage weight gain category. Both Dusty and I have slowly but surely gotten further and further away from our little high school selves, when we first fell in love and we were just babies, petite and darling.

I think part of it stemmed from moving away from Arizona so soon after marriage, and being really homesick out here in Virginia -- there were a lot of Taco Bell nights, trying to cling on to something comforting and homey (and fatty). 

We look back to pictures of our first year or so out here in Virginia, and we just giggle in embarrassment. 

I'm not truly ashamed, though, nor do I regret those inevitable pounds.

Because they were well-earned. By date nights, cuddling, sleeping in on Saturdays. By happiness, contentedness, (alright, and definitely laziness). By TV-show marathons and pajama nights. 

By a time when all we had was each other and some cheese. 

What a glorious time it was, my friends. I remember, and I won't forget.

But now I'm ready -- I'm ready to be an adult, to give up Taco Bell, to be healthy, for myself and for my husband and for my future children. To keep up with things and go on those hikes and run around the park and be at my very best. To finally decide that all of it is worth it, and anything that used to keep me back was just silly. To find that glitter that inspires me to action. 

I'm ready.