sisterhood

I have always wondered what it would be like to have a sister. 

My mom and I went to Home Depot last night to run some errands, and I wandered around in the garden section for a while, eventually stumbling upon the two gorgeous pink roses pictured above. They were growing side by side. Rosy sisters. Something struck my heart in that moment. Perhaps it was longing, or a little bit of remembrance for my younger self, who always begged and wished for a sister. Or maybe it was a little twinge of something else entirely, a nameless emotion tied to seeing something simple and beautiful. 

I grew up with 3 marvelous brothers whom I love deeply, and friends and cousins that I attached myself to as a surrogate sister. I always envied my friends who had sisters, and would chide them when they fought because I couldn't comprehend fighting with a beloved sister. As I've grown up and my siblings and siblings-in-law have gotten married, I have even gained sisters-in-law, which is such a delightful bonus to my collection of siblings.

Funnily enough, every sister-in-law I have is just like me: we all grew up without any sisters. It strikes me as very strange and kind of lovely. What are the odds? We are a gaggle of sisterless women who love each other all the more because we are each other's first experiences with sisterhood. 

Dress (remixed 1, 2): Ruche

Star Sweater: remixed

Don't get me wrong: many of my friends have been like sisters to me over the years. I do not belittle those relationships in any way. I had several "sisters" growing up that I still love and cherish. They allowed me to share my room and giggle over secrets. And my sisters-in-law expanded that realm of relationship even further, filling up our family and making it more of a girl's club!

Even so, I realize that there is a very real question tucked away in the stitches of my being that will never be answered. I'll never know what it's like to have a real sister. Which in many ways is fine, because as they say, ignorance is bliss. I don't really understand the intricacies of what I'm missing. It's not a devastating or a heartbreaking thought, it's just something that I know to be true.
There are positive influences to growing up entirely with brothers, too. I owe so much of myself to them. My interests and many aspects of my personality. I think it's possible that I am the friend that I am because I never had any sisters.

In one of my favorite parts of the movie In Her Shoes, Maggie is trying to explain her sister Rose to her husband-to-be, Simon. The first half of the movie is very dark and sad, illustrating the strain and heartbreak that has wedged the two sisters apart. Maggie is basically telling Simon that her little sister is irresponsible, frustrating, immature, selfish - and that he'll end up begging her to throw her out of their lives.

But I won't. Because she's my sister. Without her, I don't make sense. 

That part always makes me cry, mostly because of the restorative nature of forgiveness and the steadfast love and loyalty that is inherent in sisterhood. I have been blessed to know and love many sisters in the world, catching a peek at what that relationship is really like. I know I get glimpses of it. 

I shall continue assigning myself as a surrogate sister to the many kindred spirits in my life, knowing that sisterhood is a beautiful thing, in every form. 

hazelnutty

This week has been so cold I've even had cold-related nightmares. I can't escape it.
The lake right next to the new library has been half-frozen and occasionally sprinkled in snow, like the wicked white witch from Narnia is slowly casting a spell on it.
I know, I know -- you all are tired of hearing about how cold it is. I get it.
But I would just like to say that when I got up this morning it was 3 degrees, and I had to seriously evaluate my priorities before I made myself get out of those warm covers. I consider myself extremely brave for that.

I know people have it much worse, negative temperatures and freezing snow, but I'd like to think I'm still Arizonan enough to be nearly killed by 3 degree weather.

Dress: Ruche, Sweater: LOFT, Booties: Urbanog, Hat/Coat: Zulily

Yesterday I got a hot brewed coffee from Starbucks with hazelnut and cream.
Dusty and I purchased the special January tumblers that allow us to get free coffee for this entire month -- today and tomorrow are the last days and I think I'm going to be devastated come February 1st. Life has been so very coffee-filled -- it's the only time I'm ever warm!! I know I'm an addict at this point and I'm nervous about the withdrawals.

Anyway -- I got the hazelnut flavor, and as soon as I took a sip it was, WHOOSH! Memories.

Sweet and subtle but sweeping, I was in college again, working the early shift at the campus coffee shop. I was late for class. I was meeting a friend. I was smiling. I was getting that triple shot because today I really needed it.

It all came rushing back. Senior year was the year of the hazelnut latte for me. I got one nearly every day, it seemed. Working at the coffee shop that first semester meant I could get a few lattes for free, either on my break or after work. It was the flavor of my year.
Dusty and I got married that January, so our last semester of college was spent together, with so many wonderful memories and a lot of hazelnutty days.

It's amazing how something that flavored my life so long ago can still flavor it today, taking me back to those feelings and so quickly reminding me of a time when it was so special.
It's a treasure chest of moments, really, all within my reach - sniffing a special bottle of perfume, ordering a certain latte, listening to a 90's boy band. It's the reason why I intentionally buy a new scent each time we travel to a new place. Paris Amour from Bath & Body Works is, well, Paris -- sexy little things from Victoria's Secret is Ireland.
They're all tied together into the bouquet of my lifetime.

Tastes, smells, sounds.
The strength of them can sometimes overwhelm me.
The strength of a hazelnutty day.

i'm ready

This has been quite a powerful week for me.

Mostly because I've had a sort of epiphany of change, taking the steps that are necessary to be what I want to be.

Fit, healthy, long-nailed.

I stopped biting my nails towards the end of 2013. It just happened, like suddenly I realized that if I wanted to stop biting my nails, I should just stop biting them. What a crazy world. I've been biting and tearing my nails for my entire life (well, I don't know about little baby Caitlin, but most likely she was biting everything she could get her hands on, including her own hands). Why?

Here's the truth: Dusty bought me some amazing super-glitter OPI nail polishes for Christmas. So I started painting my nails pretty much every night, completely enamored with them, wanting to try different patterns and colors. And I stopped biting my nails because they were so pretty. 

I suddenly had the will and the reason to allow myself long, strong, beautiful nails. 

I'm never doubting the power of glitter again.

The other part of my epiphany is that I've started working out almost every day.

Why haven't I always been doing this?

The epiphany part is that I actually enjoy it. I enjoy it because I grabbed a friend to do it with me, and it's a game changer when you start looking forward to meeting up every night -- to laughing while you do jumping jacks to a cheesy workout video, to having awkwardly great conversations while running outside, wheezing and so out of breath, so cold that your tears are freezing to your cheeks.

Then you celebrate and feel amazing and grab your water bottle and say, "see you tomorrow!"

All the while knowing that your body is changing and getting stronger and is so sore the next day because of a job well done. What's more straight forward than that?

Dusty and I started doing Herbalife last year and have really been enjoying it, and it has helped us lose some weight and feel so great. It has also inspired us to eat better and eat out much less (I also have to thank eMeals for that, which I'm so happy with that I would gladly do a million commercials for it. It's on Groupon right now, go buy it ASAP! It'll change your life. You can thank me later.)

But being healthy and fit is more than that, it's intentional and it's active. 

I'm not gonna lie, I have fallen into the typical marriage weight gain category. Both Dusty and I have slowly but surely gotten further and further away from our little high school selves, when we first fell in love and we were just babies, petite and darling.

I think part of it stemmed from moving away from Arizona so soon after marriage, and being really homesick out here in Virginia -- there were a lot of Taco Bell nights, trying to cling on to something comforting and homey (and fatty). 

We look back to pictures of our first year or so out here in Virginia, and we just giggle in embarrassment. 

I'm not truly ashamed, though, nor do I regret those inevitable pounds.

Because they were well-earned. By date nights, cuddling, sleeping in on Saturdays. By happiness, contentedness, (alright, and definitely laziness). By TV-show marathons and pajama nights. 

By a time when all we had was each other and some cheese. 

What a glorious time it was, my friends. I remember, and I won't forget.

But now I'm ready -- I'm ready to be an adult, to give up Taco Bell, to be healthy, for myself and for my husband and for my future children. To keep up with things and go on those hikes and run around the park and be at my very best. To finally decide that all of it is worth it, and anything that used to keep me back was just silly. To find that glitter that inspires me to action. 

I'm ready.

winter wishes

Jacket (shop on sale!): Ruche, Top (shop!): LOFT, Dress (shop!): Modcloth, 
Earrings (shop!): Francesca's, Booties (shop!): Urbanog

Winter sales have me dreaming about what I could be wearing on this chilly day.

As I left my apartment this morning, it was 10 degrees. I realized and spoke aloud with foggy breath that it was a terrible choice to wear flats. 

I'm about to run downstairs to get another mug full of coffee, but before I do so, I am sharing my favorite things from Ruche's Winter Sale!

I love the jacket above. It's funky and cool. I love the pairing of navy and black, like it just doesn't care. 

The leather sleeves give it a bit of an edge, and as I was looking at it I realized I'd probably pair it with something a bit more feminine underneath. A pale dress, pink maybe, with an interesting top to layer beneath it, some sparkly earrings, and some tights and booties.

Of course, it would also go great with skinny jeans and boots. It's a do-watcha-want jacket.

Sweater (shop on sale!): Ruche, Dress (shop!): Modcloth

I also adore this bedazzled sweater. It's the perfect bit of sparkle! Just enough to flirt around with the feeling that you're wearing rhinestones (you know the feeling -- it's the same one you got when you bought that bedazzler in middle school and started stapling studs and sparkly things to all of your jeans), but still classic and refined.

But because I love wild prints, I'd definitely pair it with a crazy dress or skirt underneath it. And, of course, because it's 10 degrees and I can't imagine not doing so, I'd add tights (or maybe double tights) and boots.

Just for good measure, here is an ensemble of some more of my favorite Ruche Winter Sale finds!

What are some of yours?

1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7

Happy Shopping!

resolute

How do you feel about New Year's Resolutions?

From my experience, most of you will be lamenting your failed promises right around now. 10-15 days after the commencement of the new year (or sometimes more like 5-10). 

I made some pretty hefty resolutions last year, and (shocking) I didn't keep up with any of them. 

Not to be a downer or anything -- maybe some of you will actually stay true to your resolutions! But oftentimes I find them to be rather empty, which is why I usually don't participate in the whole charade. I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure -- making big promises of change that I know deep down I won't keep. 

This past year I found myself feeling overwhelmed and bogged down by all of things I had set in front of myself, including things that I love, like reading, blogging and crafting.

In 2013, I only read 17 of the 36 books I wanted to read. I all but abandoned my Etsy shop - I didn't make any of the big milestone achievements I was hoping to. 

Top (shop!) / Coated Pants (shop!): Ruche
(trying out the coated jeans I mentioned here!)

You know what I did do, though?
I completely changed my style. I started a fashion blog. I went to London and Paris, and walked on Abbey Road. I bought a painting in front of the Notre Dame. I wrote a daily love journal to my husband. I became a life group leader for our church. I dyed the tips of my hair red. I got way better at playing volleyball, thanks to an incredible summer. I met Needtobreathe. I lost ten pounds. I made new friends. I conquered fears. I made countless road trips to the mountains, to historical sites, to new cities. I stopped biting my nails. I discovered new music. I turned 25.

Wouldn't it be awesome if we celebrated the end of each year for everything we accomplished, or even the things we failed at but learned from? 

Maybe on December 31st, instead of saying "I will get to my goal weight," "I am totally going to give up soda", or "I am going to read 100 books this year!", we could write out a list of all the things we already did without even realizing they were important to us. The unspoken resolutions.

Because the bottom line is, people do what's most important to them. Every time. You can say you want to lose ten pounds, but when you have a choice between working out and watching TV, and you choose the TV, the TV is your priority. If you wanted to work out that badly, you'd do it. 

If you wanted to go on a trip that badly, you'd save your money for it -- you'd give up spending it on coffee, clothes, movies, eating out, and you would make it happen.

I think oftentimes the best change comes from looking to the past, to the historical patterns of your life, and rectifying those mistakes and celebrating those successes. The future is built on those things.

I don't think New Year's Resolutions are bad or evil, but I think most people set themselves up for failure by feeling this renewed sense of self in the party moment -- convincing themselves they will change when they've never even really figured out why they've never succeeded in the past. 

So here's to 2013 -- to all of the times I said yes, to all of the adventures, for the books I did read, for the creative moments and the spontaneous moments.

And here's to 2014 -- to all of the things I will do, most of which are still a beautiful mystery.

christmas week!

A very merry Christmas from my little corner of the world!

This week will be full of family, fun, all things Christmas and all things jolly.

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas, and I promise I will be back to blogging regularly in no time!

Drink lattes, pray for snow, wear fuzzy socks, listen to carols, maybe sing a few...make a fire, cuddle up, see a film, enjoy the glitter, and say I love you a whole darn lot.

Merry Christmas.

holiday trends

I've already talked a little bit about the velvet trend, but there have been a few other things I've seen around that I'm either excited to try or still not quite sure about. Maybe a mixture of both!

To start out, what do you think about coated pants?

Anthropologie

J. Crew

Nordstrom

Ruche

Anthropologie

Anthropologie

Ruche

A lot of times, I absolutely love the look -- it has that leathery sheen, but has the fit of your favorite jeans.
I'm still unsure how they'll look in-person, but I went ahead and took the plunge and bought the last pair in that list above.
Ruche has Wednesday Style Steals, and this week's happened to include the coated pants. I couldn't resist.
I had been intrigued since I first saw them in their lookbook, and fell in love with this ensemble:

I think in general the trends seem to be leaning toward the edgier looks. A lot of leather and leather-ish ideas.
I honestly have zero authority on the subject, because I don't follow high fashion or the actual style trends happening around the world -- I just know what I see in my favorite stores, and the things that are totally new to my wardrobe (or are making a vicious comeback, like velvet.)

Speaking of leather, let's take a look at how bold it's getting.
What do you think about leather-centered outfits?

Via Ruche

Ladylike Leather

Leather obviously isn't new to the fashion world. Leather bags, wallets, shoes, jewelry, and of course jackets...those have long been staples in the female psyche.
But leather seems to be getting friskier by the minute. Striped dresses with gold leather pockets, laser-cut leather blouses, pleated leather skirts. This is serious stuff.

I'm most intrigued by the leather skirts, and subtle leather accents.
Some of my favorites:

Ruche

Ruche

Ruche

Would you wear such bold (yet ladylike) leather pieces?
I have yet to try them out, but I do love the look of a great burgundy leather skirt. (I also like this quilted mini skirt!).
I'll report back with my findings on the coated jeans as soon as they arrive!
In the meantime, what are some winter trends you're a bit curious about?

tick tock

 

December is arguably the nation's most favorite month of the year.
It's a month of holidays, winter flavors, cold weather, glitter, comfy sweaters, good cheer, family, magic, gifts, parties, fireworks, well wishes and resolutions.

It's also the month that speeds by the fastest! It all seems to go by in a shimmery blur.
This year is really strange for us. It's the first Christmas ever we'll be spending away from Arizona. Luckily my husband's family is coming to visit us, but we've decided not to exchange presents this year (which has made it a lot easier on us, because we would have to ship them all).
I'm finding myself in a panic because it's so close to Christmas and normally around this time I'm busily shopping and planning and getting ready to fly home.
But this year, it's peaceful. Simple. Strange. 

Dress: Ruche, Jeans: Target, Boots: DSW
Scarf: Gifted, Necklace: Thrifted

We're still stuck in the thick of finals season, but by Friday we'll be home free to enjoy the crispness of holiday festivities. I'm extremely excited! I'm not sure what we'll do when it's finally over -- we only have one semester left here, so it feels like a really big milestone to be done with our very last December finals.
A party is in order, definitely. But whether that "party" means going out for a fancy steak dinner and seeing Frozen again or staying at home in our pajamas for three days straight remains to be seen.

Speaking of pajamas, this dress is basically pajamas.
I bought it on super sale ($10) from Ruche back in September, and it was one of those S/M or M/L sizes that is always a gamble. It's way too big on me, but it feels like going to work on a cloud.
Simultaneously, I feel like a Greek goddess because the sleeves are twice as long as my arms and oh-so-flowy.
A dress with that kind of comfort combo has to be treasured, despite the too-long sleevage.