34 weeks

There are certain moments when the fact that I'm pregnant suddenly sinks in and I'm overcome with an incredibly surreal hold on just one hot second kind of swarm of feelings. That has been this week. The other night I was getting into bed (less and less gracefully these days) and I just turned (rolled) to face Dustin and said, "I'm really pregnant. When the heck did that happen?" He thought I said "how" so he was momentarily concerned and we had a good laugh.

But really, I'm feeling very shocked that Thanksgiving is next week and our baby is coming, ready or not, in 6 weeks. And don't say things like, "Well it could be tomorrow, ya know!" because if I haven't been totally clear yet, I'm in a little bit of a panic and those humorous bits of commentary kinda just make me go sdalkfjaskldjhfalwjer.

I'm trying to just see everything that's stressing me out as a great opportunity to laugh at myself. I'm stressed because our house isn't done, and I have this giant fear that once the baby comes all of these little things will really never get done. We'll have a to-do list miles and miles long, and we'll just be living in this weird limbo for years because we can never get around to crossing things off the list. There's just not enough time. I'm stressed out about the unfinished and the clutter. But then I realize that I've literally been living in clutter my entire life. Basically preparing to be a mom without knowing it. Clutter and I are besties. We understand each other. I have chosen clutter again and again, probably because I knew my future self would need this - to be happy and cozy and patient even in the clutter of new momhood. I knew there had to be a reason my room was never clean!

The truth is, expectations rarely meet up with reality. In my previous abstract thoughts about pregnancy and motherhood, I always imagined having a little girl. Not because I had a particular preference, but that's where my mind always went. But it's so wonderfully fitting that I'm going to be a little boy's mom...me, the girl with three brothers who was always surrounded by boys and legos and action figures and video games and dragons and sword-wielding stories of make believe. I am so much more prepared to be a boy's mom, and that's a fact. I knew there had to be a reason why I'm so weird! My little boy is gonna love me. 

My house will be cluttered, stories will abound, dragons will fly, and I will chill. We've got this.

wearing cross stitch

Blouse (shop!)/Shoes (old): Ruche

I haven't done a real outfit post in a while, but I've been feeling more inspired lately to actually get up and get dressed. During the week, anyway. Mostly because my job requires it, but also because I'm starting to enjoy dressing up my ballooning baby bump. We took these photos after dinner, so I kind of think this baby bump is part baby, part food baby. I love them both very much.

I haven't purchased any actual maternity things yet (although I was recently gifted two maternity dresses which I love), because I'm really looking forward to trying to utilize what's already in my closet. I think it's going to be a fun challenge to wear an assortment of my normal tops, skirts and dresses to accommodate the growing of a human. I must confess, though, that this beautiful blouse wasn't already in my closet...because I just bought it from Ruche...but it's not a maternity top, so I think it still counts. :)

This blouse is easy, breezy and beautiful and has the prettiest lace. The colors are so bright, and the floral pattern is actually detailed to look like cross stitch. I personally adore cross stitch patterns, so this vintage-inspired top was calling to my chic old lady style. 

Loving Lately:

• THESE, because I would like to be the head of the Bringing Jellies Back committee. I'm going to need them in every color, please. Especially the glitter.
• Making big house decisions. It can be overwhelming, but it's so rewarding and so exciting to see each tiny bit of progress. Follow me on Instagram to see the updates on #CasaSchan.
• Rifle Paper Co. Wallpaper. I understand it's impractical but so pretty.
• A Beautiful Mess. Obviously this blog isn't new, but I've been crushing hard on it lately, especially for their DIY/home posts.
• The band RHODES. They have barely any music on Spotify, but I could listen to them all day.

the best bubbly

July 15th, 2015. 16 weeks. 

I think I'm trickling into the zone of dressing in "maternity style" now. I haven't gained a single pound yet, but my body has been shifting and changing and it's weird. It's rather miraculous and the strangest of things, to see my stomach rounding out and to feel the different muscles and to look at myself changing daily in the mirror. I only have one pair of pants that still fits me (darn you skinny jeans), and since I'm still in that is she pregnant or did she just eat at Chipotle? phase, I've been reaching exclusively for my flowiest of blouses and elastic-waist skirts and shorts, both for comfort and for a little bit of camouflage. Not that I want to hide that I'm pregnant, but there is a tiny bit of vanity involved I think. I either want to try and suck it in, or push it out as much as I can. The in-between can be a little bit tricky.

No matter what, I am overjoyed to be experiencing every single bit of it, including these awkward phases. I swear I've been feeling little baby flutters the past few days. Sometimes when I'm sitting really still, or when I first wake up in the morning, I feel these gentle butterfly wings in there. Every once in a while it'll be a kitten paw pushing, or it'll feel like I've just swallowed the best bubbly. It's impossible to tell whether these flutters are real or just a daydream (or gas), but even if they're in my mind, praise the Lord, they're my favorite make believes.