hey, girl

There is seriously nothing better than the all-encompassing thrill that comes with true kindred spirit friendship. It's da bomb. It seeps into the cracks of your insecurities and blossoms in the shadows of your true self. You suddenly unwind and get weird and laugh a lot and share too much. There's a level of comfort and rest that exists in that place that is precious and rare. It's a place of peace and girl power. Friendship between women can be one of the most delightful, inspiring, freeing, encouraging, and empowering things on the planet.

But it can also be one of the most depressing things, and I really wish I knew why. Girls can be just plain cruel to each other. You know what I'm talking about, too. I think everyone does. It's a known image - the catty, selfish, b*tchy group of girlfriends that manipulate and degrade each other in a vicious cycle of "friendship". It's the Mean Girls syndrome. We're drawn to it somehow, maybe because our claws are naturally sharp and easily tempted to evil deeds. It's an absolute mystery to me though, especially when genuine love and friendship can completely change your life for the better, forever. 

Now, granted, this isn't entirely exclusive to women - I've seen my husband and other guy friends used and abused by their friends as well, they just go about it differently. I think my husband was often blind to it, because they were just "being guys" and messing around. He was definitely affected by it, but he had always accepted it as the norm. It wasn't until we gained really solid, edifying friends that we were able to take a deep breath and say, see? This is what this is supposed to be like. 

I have no problem with sarcasm - it's actually one of my favorite languages. I think the problem comes when that's all there is. I remember being really confused when I was entering junior high and high school during the trend of best friends calling each other slut and ho-bag and other lovely nicknames. I just didn't get it.

I couldn't bring myself to connect to that type of closeness, because it didn't seem real. Even after high school, when those monikers typically died away, I felt incredibly alone in my desire for kind, loving friends. People I could actually like. (Crazy, right?). I saw a great emptiness in the friendships I knew and eventually began to accept that a friendship like Anne Shirley and Diana Barry's just didn't exist. Hang it up with the other fairy-tales. 

Luckily, I was proven wrong. It took some time, but I feel incredibly fortunate to now have friendships that I cherish and am proud to invest in. Friendship is hard work and there are always ways to be more attentive, more forgiving, more understanding and more intentional. It's worth it because the relationships in your life change you daily. The ones you choose to nurture throughout the course of your life are especially momentous.

Friendship shouldn't be so competitive. Why do we so easily bristle and poke and one-up and belittle? It's this ugly gut reaction when a friend has good news to find some way to redirect the praise and excitement to ourselves, or to ruin their good news by belittling it somehow. We're always fighting the urge to make it about us, to turn inward instead of pour ourselves outward. That immediate WAIT NO MY LIFE IS BETTER is a really stupid inclination to have. Where is the genuine joy when someone experiences something great in their lives? There is so little gratitude and congratulations among friends. Words of affirmation should be insanely rampant, I think. It should be out of control, even. 

Of course, personalities vary and some people are simply less comfortable with endearments, and less likely to communicate vulnerable emotions. Some struggle with affection - I'm actually one of those people. I do not generally enjoy hugs. But there has to be something, right? It's hard to be friends with someone when you honestly don't know whether or not they even like you half the time. By nature, sarcasm is an erosion tool - it can and will begin to chip away at you. You can't live exclusively in that zone forever, it's exhausting! There needs to be a balance, and above all a foundation of love and trust. If the core of the relationship is flippancy and casual meanness, the friendship will die. It probably should die. 

My dream friendship is this. Being unafraid to share a true flaw, because you know they'll help work you through it and point you to better things. Being able to vent and cry and whine while they just listen - and then they'll tell you lovingly that they're on your side even when you're crazy. Trusting them with secrets and memories because they'll never use them to embarrass you. Making big decisions and having incredible news that you can't wait to share with them, because they will be over the moon for you, always. Feeling comfortable with honesty and familiar with thoughtfulness. Knowing that they see you, appreciate you, understand you, love you. 

I think women are fantastic. I'm a little bit biased, but I think we're cool. But I also think we can be really, really scary and mean. We have a lot of power over each other, which is the best and worst thing about us. Let's use that power for good, superwomen. We don't need to travel in packs, doing our best to destroy others to heighten our own weird status of lady royalty. It's an evil cycle I'd love to see end. Everyone is self-conscious, and everyone should have friends. Real ones. I want to be one of those to the women in my life. A genuine source of happiness and light and laughter. Someone my friends are proud to know and love. Not because I'm worthy of it or particularly special, but because I see them, appreciate them, understand them, and love them. That's all it really takes.

Let's hear it for peace and girl power.

floral valentine

Looking forward to special occasions always inspires me to go dress shopping. There's something exciting about wearing a dress for the first time on a special date night. While I wear a dress almost every day, I very rarely get dressed up to this degree. When I saw this floral dress over at Ruche, I knew it was the perfect fit for Valentine's Day! (P.S. Today is the last day of their "perfect match" sale for 25% off sitewide!).

This weekend has been so refreshing. On Friday I had completely forgotten that I had Monday off, so it was a really pleasant surprise to leave work with 3 whole days off ahead of me! Our Valentine's Day was delightful, and we spent all of Sunday with Dustin's family. Today is my bonus day of pajamas, Posie-making, Friends-watching, and coffee-drinking. There's nothing better than a Monday spent doing nothing. (Introverts unite!).

be mine

Happy Valentine's day, everyone!

I'm currently all fancied up and getting ready for Dustin and I's date night. We're seeing Kingsman: The Secret Service and going out to a new restaurant, Olive and Ivy! I can't wait.

Yesterday's outfit was definitely due to my novel dress series. This dress was inspired by The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch, and once I posted about it I couldn't help but buy it. That series has been so much fun to read and even though I'm the one that named it a Lamora dress, I needed to own it anyway. I'm really glad I took the leap, because I love it. It's much silkier and brighter than I originally thought, which is totally fine by me!

Overall, this post is just a quick note in honor of one of my favorite holidays. There are plenty of valentine naysayers out there, but I think it's beautiful that there's a day set aside for love every year. Of course, we should always show our loved ones we cherish and appreciate them, but Valentine's Day brings with it sweets and chocolate-shaped hearts, little cartoons of cherubs and Disney characters, Galentine's Day (cutesie term for honoring besties), and so many other fun ways to celebrate. Whether you're dating someone and dressing up for romance or simply dressed in pink and red to go out with your best friends, it's a day worth celebrating. We are lucky to have so much love.

Dress (shop!): Ruche

valentine's day eve

Happy Valentine's Day Eve/Friday the 13th! Whether you're celebrating relationships or scary movies today, I hope your weekend is full of love.

Here in Arizona it's already starting to warm up and feel like springtime, so I thought it was fitting to give my blog a little facelift! I always try to use my own photographs for my blog backgrounds, to keep it personal and avoid stealing anyone's photos. In the floral spirit, I went back through my photo archives to almost a year ago (how is that possible!?) to our last springtime in Lynchburg, VA. We took these photos as a way to cherish our little apartment there, when our magnificent tree was blossoming with its delicate pink blooms. They usually only lasted for a week or so, but then we got to enjoy a pink-splattered parking lot of petals. I'm a big fan of the way the blog turned out, thanks to some very happy captured memories. 

We have a pretty laid back Valentine's weekend planned, including going to see Kingsman: The Secret Service (#colinfirthforever) and going to a fun, late night Valentine's Day dinner tomorrow at a new restaurant. 

We will dress up, hold hands, and be merry! 

novel dress: children's books

a little princess by frances hodgson burnett // in the maldives printed dress

I couldn't help myself. After playing with books and dresses last Friday, I continued my pilgrimage for even more literary ensembles. This time around I focused specifically on children's stories (although to be fair, many of them hedge closer to young adult fiction). I'm currently reading A Little Princess for the first time, which was my first inspiration. I grew up watching the movie. It is such a beautiful book and it has only reinforced for me how much I love Sara and her story.

I love to read, and I've even shared my love for some of these books before. But it all had to begin somewhere. And for me, it started here. With some of these books. I feel a unique gratitude toward these stories that permeated my earliest reading years, and they remain most precious to me. They have stayed with me in a way that other books scarcely can.

There's something incredibly special and lasting about the first stories that blew your little mind, striking down those natural walls that arrive with adolescence and self doubt. I was lucky enough to have parents who loved my imagination and fostered it whenever possible. I remember Barnes and Noble trips where my mom would let me pick out new books, many of them chosen more for their front cover art than anything else. I would wander through the children's aisle for as long as possible, picking up smooth paperbacks and reading the back covers, breathing in the smell of the pages and being incredibly indecisive. It was impossible to choose just one.

There are hundreds of beautiful children's stories out there, so I am sharing some of my personal favorites here. I would love to know if you have ever read any of these. Even as an adult, these remain some of my favorite books and series. If you haven't read them, you should! They're very near to me. Enjoy!

a wrinkle in time by madeleine l'engle // paris streets printed dress

ella enchanted by gail carson levine // lamar ruffled dress

harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban by j.k. rowling // moore park trapeze dress

dealing with dragons by patricia c. wrede // leah lace dress

winnie-the-pooh by a. a. milne // endless love floral dress

deltora quest by emily rodda // empress garden printed dress

the book of three by lloyd alexander // garden paradise dress

inkheart by cornelia funke // you're invited floral dress

the giving tree by shel silverstein // lantana scalloped dress

(read novel dress: classics!)

wanderlust wednesday

Château de Hautefort, France. Photo by tom-sabin on Flickr. The castle featured in Ever After. 

It has been a few weeks since I featured a Wanderlust Wednesday post. I have, however, been wanderlusting quite mightily as of late and thought it would be appropriate to share some of that with you this morning. I had to borrow someone else's trip photos for this collection. Normally I pull from my own travels, but I have not been to this place yet, which is why I am sharing it. This place is very dear to my heart because it is, quite simply, the trip of my dreams.

I feel like this is a bit of a redundant comment on this blog at this point, but I love Ever After. One of the sweetest, loveliest, purest wishes of my heart is to travel to the French countryside and visit every single chateau and orchard and river that was featured in that film. Just typing this out has given me goosebumps, although my office is also freezing, so it could be that. 

As Prince Henry might say, "What is it that touches you so?" 

I honestly couldn't say. I'd like to keep it simple and just say, Ever After is the reason I cry when love is true. At age 10, it unlocked the little romantic in me and led me to a future of sentiment, glitter, pretty dresses, and my boy band phase. There's an innocence about it, both nostalgic and refreshing. The opening music alone takes me back to that version of myself, and it's something I can neither fully describe nor share with anyone else. It's just perfect.

I'm embarrassed to say that I once messaged Drew Barrymore's makeup artist from the movie about their time there, and she actually replied, which has only solidified my desire to walk in their footsteps! 

Wow! What a wonderful idea for a trip. You will have a great time. I do want to suggest you go to some places Drew, Barbara & I went on weekends though. We went to a town called Rocamadour. It's a medieval village built into a mountain side. Beautiful and great food and shopping. We drove there so it must not have been too far. 
We also canoed down the Dordogne river. We would stop occasionally and Drew would read to us poetry by Lord Byron from a small book she brought. Such a magical day. 
Perhaps you can call Flower Films. They may be able to find out where we shot the lake scene. Or the film commission in France. Wish I could be more help on that. Regardless, you will have an amazing adventure! :)

So I will definitely be buying poetry by Lord Byron (why is Drew such a ridiculously lovable hippy?) and trying to invent boat shoes to recreate the "Looks like rain!" river scene. Sigh.

All of that to say, I am in a constant daze at the very thought of making this trip happen. I hope that it will someday. I would love to fly to Dordogne and lose myself in one of my favorite fairytales of all time, while enjoying gorgeous countryside and lush chateaus and French history, both real and make believe. It would be a beautiful thing. 

Wait! It's tradition. He always waves at the gate.
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For anyone who can quote Thomas More is well worth the effort. 
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I had a horse like you once...
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Now hand me that key, or I swear on his grave I will slit you from navel to nose.
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And we, princess, are supposed to live happily ever after. 
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And, while Cinderella and her prince did live happily ever after...
the point, gentlemen, is that they lived.
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on being unabashed

Dress (remixed): Ruche // Lace Top (remixed 1 / 2 / 3): Ruche, 
Cardigan (remixed 1 / 2 / 3): Banana Republic 

I'm not sure if it's just me, but I tend to have phases of favorite words. Words that catch in my mind. Most often they're new words or ones I've forgotten about and once I rediscover them, I will attempt to use them as much as possible. A while back my word was "galvanize", recently it was "nebulous". You'll probably find that both of those are scattered throughout my blog posts in the past few months. Galvanize is a great word. To spur into action. And just the word itself, galvanize, makes me visualize a kind of grind of activity. A knight in clanky armor leaping onto his horse, sword-raised for some noble cause. A drill into wood, a shovel into dirt.

Lately my word has shifted to unabashed. I think one of the best things you can be is unabashedly something. I am unabashedly a cat lady. It's true. To be unabashed is to be bold, unembarrassed, unashamed. It's a great word with a slap to it, unabashed. It's fun to say which is always a bonus, and the meaning is powerful.

I was thinking about this word this past weekend when I went to the Renaissance Festival (check that one off the list!). There are many reasons I adore the Renaissance Festival. Flower crowns, chocolate, henna tattoos, side shows, music, bread bowls, costumes, jousting, artisans, trinkets, tomfoolery. I was probably 6 or 7 when I went for the first time. My childhood friend and I went for probably 15 years in a row, until my husband and I moved to Virginia. This past Saturday was the first time we had been since college. I was genuinely sad when the day was over!

On our way home, I asked my friend what her favorite thing about the festival was. We began to talk about the things we have always loved about it, and my answer ended up being, "I love that everyone is completely unabashed about their enjoyment of it all. It's a fun, whimsical, absurd community of genuine people who love what they do. That is fantastic."

I stick by that answer. I think that's the part of the Renaissance Festival experience that is most attractive to me. It's refreshing to be in such a fruitfully silly place, where people are free to embrace a character for a few months and sell clay dragons. I love talking to these men and women who pour themselves into a creative outlet like that. I think we all have that secret wish to disappear into another time or place - I mean, who wouldn't want to go live in Harry Potter's world for a while? Or Narnia, or Middle Earth? I raise my glass to the minions of the Renaissance Festival because I don't see them as weirdos. They're just being themselves, and having the time of their lives doing it.

I think that sounds worthwhile. Cheers to having stars on your shoulder, and to unabashedly living.