hello, october

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Happy October!

This month has a pretty good history of being my favorite. It is my birthday month, which might have something to do with it. It's also Frocktober, which has become such a fun tradition each year. (It's not too late to join me!).

I love October because it's Fall's dream month. I love it because of pumpkins, crisp leaves (in my imagination - Arizona doesn't even know the word leaves), baking, fireplaces, red and gold, Halloween, dressing up. This year it means moving into our house finally!! and going to North Carolina to see our favorite friends for a week.

This year it also means the would-have-been due date of our first sweet baby, Poppy. October 26th is a date I'm hesitant to meet. I know I'll greet it now with a much sweeter embrace than I thought I would. We are blessed. I am so grateful to have our baby boy. Even now as I type I can feel his little tosses and turns. I love this child so much, and that love has only grown and been layered by the loss of our first. But she (or he - we won't truly know until heaven) is not forgotten. Thinking of her is bittersweet. It's a tenderly bruised love. In my heart, she will always be my October girl. I would have loved sharing that with her. I will celebrate her life every year, and be blessed by the joy she gave us.

Because of these things and more, I will always be so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.

featured artist: theater clouds

flight // an unexpected journey

Have you ever experienced that deep-set melancholy that nestles in your being when you witness something beautiful? It's not a truly sad feeling, really, but it isn't quite happy, either. It's just a nebulous feeling of appreciation and wonder when something moves or stuns you. It's a whisper to the soul. It can take your breath away and resurrect old memories. 

That's how I feel about the stars sometimes, when I stare too long at the freckled night sky and get that wandering, longing sweep of emotion. It's how I feel about the Ever After soundtrack, and it's how I feel about this entrancing artwork by Theater Clouds on Etsy. 

close your eyes and i'll take you to the moon... // endless everchanging clouds
take me where i want to go... // two families // mountains in the sea

Everything you see in these images is paper. The creator, Elly MacKay, delicately paints yupo paper and then cuts and designs intricate layers in a kind of miniature theater. She uses mirrors and tissue paper to achieve the dreamlike horizons and filters, and then she plays with light and perspective to photograph her incredible creations. These little paper 3-D worlds are so entrancing, I could stare at them for hours. They stir the imagination into wild action. It's so hard to pick a favorite, but I can imagine designing a child's nursery around them and creating the perfect space for vivid dreams and adventures.

Other than simply saying that they're amazing (which they are), it's hard to pinpoint exactly what it is about them that I love so much. Their color palettes are lovely, and the way they softly glow with light is so enveloping. I think the heart of my admiration comes from her ability to capture the essence of childhood daydreams and that irreplaceable kinship between siblings. I love the scenes she creates with little brothers and sisters, experiencing the world the way only little kids can. They're beautiful pictures and they feel real because of that inner spirit.

Feel free to check out her Etsy shop, her blog and her website to see more.

In the last few years she has also illustrated several children's books, including If You Hold a Seed, Shadow Chasers, Fall Leaves (see photos excerpts below), and the upcoming Butterfly Park. 

You should also definitely take a look at her new edition of the Anne of Green Gables books. I couldn't imagine a better series to apply these magical images to!

anne of green gables series // fall stays // leaves leave

character influence {frocktober, day 16}

I hope you don't tire of the sunset hour. It still takes my breath away whenever I waltz out the door to that perfect pink ridge of sky. 

We took these pictures among the bright green creosote bushes on my parents property. They're lovely little things up close, with little fuzzy white buds and bright yellow five-petaled flowers. They're the actual "smell of rain" that we all know and love in the desert. I have very distinct memories of walking up the driveway as a kid, hand outstretched to touch the many branches I passed, as if I was going through the high-five line at the end of a soccer game. I would always arrive at my friend's house across the street with that fresh, smoky smell of creosote on my hands. 

My friend Amber and I had such vivid imaginations as kids. As my husband and I walked around the bushes last night, I started thinking about all of the games and characters we would play around these patches of green and gold. It got me thinking about the many characters I encountered at a young age that truly influenced me. 

I remember very vividly when I began to say, whenever I was hurt or disappointed, that I was in the "depths of despair". Anne of Green Gables had a very vibrant impact on my personality. I wanted to be poetic, witty, dramatic, heartfelt. 

My early attachment to romantic gestures led me to the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, which still gets me to this day. I love Elizabeth Bennet and her self-assuredness, her wit and her charm. Even better, I love that she admits that she was wrong. Although I would have too, for Colin Firth. 

I'm sure the gaggle of princesses I watched and loved had a pretty high impact on my love of dresses and jewelry. Camille from Little Nemo, Buttercup from The Princess Bride, Danielle de Barbarac from Ever After. And of course the Disney powerhouses, Jasmine and Belle. For obvious reasons, I always loved the dark-haired Disney princesses the best. 

Dress (shop!): Ruche, Cardigan: gifted (from Last Chance),
Lace Slip/Dress (remixed): old

Despite my affinity for sappy movies and female characters, I was quite the tom boy. My three brothers had a hand in that. I loved The Labyrinth and could sing along to all of those weird David Bowie tunes, and I begged my parents for months to let me watch Jurassic Park when it came out, even though I was only 5 or 6 at the time. Obviously my favorite Jurassic character was Ian Malcolm, who was obnoxious but witty and he was a survivor. He ended up being brave, risking his life to save the kids and charming us all with his Chaos Theory banter and sarcasm, not to mention his fetching thick-rimmed glasses. 

Then there was Philippe Gaston, played by Matthew Broderick in a little movie called Ladyhawke. I would call this a fairly sappy movie, but since my favorite character is a boy, I'm placing it here. He is the funniest little thief and was the sole cause of my Matthew Broderick crush that went on strongly into the late 90's, and still shows up occasionally when I watch Ferris Bueller or Godzilla. I love Philippe because he is honest and kind, and believes in the beauty of love, loyalty and sacrifice. I also love him because he says things like, "I know I promised, Lord, never again. But I also know that YOU know what a weak-willed person I am."

And lastly, there was the brave Atreyu, from The Neverending Story, that strange little movie that is better left to childhood recollections rather than watched as an adult. I blame him for my over-attachment to animals, because watching his horse Artax drown in the Swamp of Sadness while he screamed is something that still haunts me. I mean for real though why. 

I think characters that we love as children play such a fun part in who we decide to be, whether it's long-lasting or not. I don't still want to be Raggedy Ann, but I do cherish that Halloween memory of wearing her costume and watching her cartoon over and over. What a kind soul she is, and quite fond of candy and friendship. 

Which characters did you adore (and possibly imitate) as a child? 

soulhome

A friend of mine once mused, If there are soulmates, maybe there are soulhomes, too. 

A soulhome. What a romantic thought. A place where your heart is destined to rest, a special and mysterious location where your soul has intricate ties. 

I personally don't really believe in soulmates. The One. 

I think relationships take work, you choose to love. I do think that my husband and I are great together, and that I prayed for him from the time that I was a little girl. I knew I would marry someone someday, and I wanted to make sure God knew all of my requirements, things like "loves Big Red gum". 

I don't think anyone could ever love and appreciate me the way my husband does. In all my weirdness. I cherish him. Sometimes I like to say we're soulmates, because he's my one, the man I've chosen. We work hard at our relationship, and our commitment to each other has been blessed. 

But as far as real soulmates go? I believe we as humans are irrevocably flawed, and therefore if there even could be such a thing as soulmates, we would have ruined that whole deal a long long time ago. We would have married the wrong people and messed up the soulmate order for everyone. 

I remember thinking about that when I was around 10 or 11. I had a moment of pure panic, thinking of someone accidentally marrying my soulmate before I got to him.

Perhaps the first and only soulmates in the history of the world were Adam and Eve, and we all know how that turned out. 

But let's imagine for a second that soulmates and, more importantly, soulhomes are real.

Each one of us has, imprinted on our heart, a place that belongs to us. 

Born into the world with locks around our soul, a golden key is tossed out into the universe. And the moment we step into that place, the great expanse of desert in Arizona, the rolling green hills of Ireland, the towering sky-rises of New York, we hear that click. 

And we are unlocked. 

It's an absolutely stunning thought.

A lifelong quest to find each other, you and that distant land of destiny. 

I think I've experienced similar feelings of serendipity, which could easily be heaped into that nebulous overwhelming wanderlust. 

I think for most people though, myself included, a soulhome would be the place we've spent most if not all of our lives. There's a definite bond between a person and where they were born. 

Arizona is my place. The desert is where I have always belonged, it's where I feel most enchanted and most at ease. I understand it and appreciate it for all that it is. I feel really lucky in that way.  

But I've also lived other places and traveled to countries that I have fallen in love with. There are those dreamy trips that make us all swoon (Hollywood-driven, most likely), just imagining what the Eiffel Tower must be like in person, or thinking of riding in a Gondola in Venice. Growing up as an O'Neil and loving all things Irish, I would definitely say that Ireland was my dream place to live for a very long time. Irish blessings hung on my walls, green was my favorite color, Gerard Butler in P.S. I Love You is my favorite ever. 

Over the last few years of traveling, I've had my moments of, I could do this. I could live here for keeps. 

One of my favorite terms for my friends is kindred spirits. Unlike the idea of soulmates, I heartily believe and support the idea of kindred spirits. They exist all over the world, and come sneaking into your heart even when you least expect to find them. 

Arizona is my soulhome, but maybe I can allow my heart to find kindred places, too.

And what a long, lovely list of kindreds that will be.