29 weeks {frocktober, day 14}

Dress (worn here, here and here): gifted, Sweater: forever 21

Wednesday marked the 29th week for this baby boy. Which means 11 weeks until he's born. Unless he comes early. Which I can't quite think about at the moment. 

I utilize The Bump app for my weekly baby updates, and it mentioned that I should make sure that the nursery is stocked this week and that we should begin packing our hospital bag. I only panicked a tiny amount. Because WE'RE STILL HOMELESS. That's not true, I'm being dramatic. 

But THERE IS NO NURSERY AND IT IS NOT STOCKED AND I HAVE NO BAGS, especially not a "hospital" bag. We have none of the things. Zero things. If I went into labor and our poor sweet son came into the world tonight, we'd be wrapping him into a pair of daddy's sweats and carrying him like a football all the way home, where we'd lovingly place him in a padded drawer to go night night. We have zero things, people.

As all parents do, we will somehow figure it out. Every day that this baby stays in there is a big hallelujah. I want him to grow big (but not too big) and strong and be ready to greet us when the time comes. It seems impossible that we're closing in on 30 weeks already. We cherish his presence and are constantly torn by our impatience to meet him and our desire to slow the rest of this pregnancy down, enjoying our time together and taking the necessary days to finish all of our house projects and actually move in. Whether we choose impatience or attempt to stop time, these next two months are going to go by faster than any in my lifetime of memory. I have a feeling time will continue to go by at this startling pace once he's in our arms, too. It's such an endeavor to cherish our days, even (and maybe especially) the mundane ones.

This month is Infant Loss Awareness Month. October 15th specifically is the annual day that's set aside to recognize Infant Loss and what it means for so many of us. It has been heavy on my heart today. Our sweet Poppy's due date would have been October 26th. It's a date I have been anticipating and dreading for many months now. Our loss is complexified by the immense joy we feel every time William's heartbeat thumps against our own hearts and his little kicks push against our hands. It's difficult to put into words how that hope and heartache intertwine. But today, I honor Poppy by remembering her in ways that only I can. I cry and rejoice in the same breath. I am so grateful for her life. Short, sweet, vibrant. I look forward to heaven in a new light, and to the many perfect faces we will see there. So many precious babies. 

Thinking of you and yours on this day - those I know and those I do not. May you remember your lost children and have hope that they have been found in the arms of Jesus. 

the velveteen girl

Once upon a time...

Yesterday's outfit and the bright prickly green of the desert in the budding Spring had me feeling like a character in a fairy story. There's something magical about the colors of the desert at sunset at this time of year. Green, grey, purple, blue, pink, yellow. These ethereal feelings might also have something to do with the book I'm currently reading, which is a retelling of Beauty and the Beast by Robin McKinley. It has me in an imaginative spirit. I recently went on a book-seeking voyage in my old room, and found a small pile of unread books that I had collected 10-15 years ago. I used to love wandering through Barnes and Noble and picking out new books. Nowadays I read mostly on my Kindle and choose books by popularity or recommendation - I miss choosing something based entirely on cover art, character names and instinct. I'm finally getting around to reading some of those old choices, time capsules of my first serious reading years. 

I like to think that maybe I was channeling a little royal Beast yesterday with the deep velvet dress. Yes, I wore velvet - I know you're shocked. You and me both. If anyone's to blame, it's Greer from Reign. I think maybe her green velvet dress finally broke my resolve to be anti-velvet forever.

The truth is, this velvet dress felt like a cushion for my fragile state of being. Like wrapping myself in something truly luxurious, it made me feel dressed up and pretty and beloved. It's silly how much clothing can mean to me sometimes. I'm sure I'm not the only one who can feel transformed by what I wear. The last two weeks have been largely pajama-clad, and while the solitude and relaxation were needed and cherished, there comes a point when you have to put on your boots and walk outside of yourself again. 

Dress (similar)/Blouse: Ruche, Sweater: Target

I tell my story in bits by blogs and texts and memories, and reflecting back on my life is always surreal. It goes by so fast, doesn't it? Time heals all wounds and it goes ever on and on. It helps to know that the world is a big place, and I am infinitely small. That even the earth is just a speck of thriving life, and it's not all there is. It's easy to be overwhelmed and to forget the big picture. To stay in that pajama-clad universe (introverts unite) and disappear within. But life is not a wish granting factory because it isn't (shouldn't be) a selfish endeavor. Living is only worth it when shared with others. I am just a velveteen rabbit on that journey for realness. A worn and torn beloved being, made real by love.

I think that's the magic. I obviously don't believe in fairy tales (much), but I do believe that there's power in lying on the cold ground and trying to count the stars, feeling the odd emotional sensation of staring into an endless space. Realizing how gargantuan the universe is and how teeny tiny you are. A pinprick in someone else's telescope. That's the only way we can ever let go of the small things and become better, realer people. To discover that there's a Creator and we are purposeful. That life is short and time swallows it in great gulps. But it is marvelous and worthwhile. Every single moment, every single life, every single teeny joy. Things like coffee and velvet dresses and Spring colors. Fragrant creosote flowers and good books and cool breezes.

Pack up these moments in your arms and carry them with you. Gather others into your heart and love them. Sacrifice and embrace and become a beloved. It's a simple world of velveteen people, and we're all made real by love.

hooked on a feeling

Sweater (remixed 1 / 2): Francesca's, Lace Top (shop!) (similar 1 / 2 / 3): Ruche, 

Leggings (similar!) (remixed 1 / 2 / 3): Vera Wang (from Kohl's) 

I've become a really big fan of big, comfy sweaters lined with lace. I've been eyeing a few sweaters that fit the bill, but when I saw this really fluffy lace-trimmed tank top on sale over at Ruche last month I decided that perhaps I could create the look for a bit cheaper! I can also now apply this frilly layer to multiple sweaters in my closet.

This fun layering couldn't come at a better time, because we finally had our first supremely gorgeous Fall day yesterday. It was crystal clear and glorious, bright-aired and stunning. It was a high of 72 degrees which is straight-up cold for us Arizonans.
My mom was hosting a horse clinic this whole weekend, so the stables were swarming with happy horse riders, learning and laughing and socializing. Dustin and I brought our coffee out to the barn house porch to watch for a little while, and we were all shivering in the breeze! It was such a wonderful sensation. There's something in the air, a certain scent of chill. I'm hooked on that feeling of Fall.

To really up the ante, Starbucks released their red cups this weekend! Most states have already been enjoying cold weather for a while (even snow, which is mind-boggling), but these festive red cups which signify so much holly jolly could not have come at a better time here in Arizona. It's time for sweaters and sandals, which is the Arizona way.
Dustin and I made our first voyage to the red-cupped Starbucks in town and took celebratory photos as part of their #redcupcontest to win a sterling silver Starbucks card. It seems like a pretty absurd thing, to have a sterling silver Starbucks card, but now I need one. 

November is a thrilling time. I wish I could be spending my entire day outside on the porch, sipping from hot mugs and reading a good book. (Jane Austen's Emma, to be precise, which is my book club's selection this month!).

all is Fair {frocktober, day 26}

Dress (remixed 1, 2, 3, 4): Zulily, 
Lace Top (remixed 1, 2): Ruche, Vest (remixed 1, 2): Kohl's

Yesterday's post was all about laziness, so it's only natural to follow it up with a very colorful day at the Fair!

The last two summers saw us gleefully attending the North Carolina State Fair, which was actually my husband's first experience with a State Fair. It was such a joy to hop alongside him as he discovered all of the blinging glee of the fairgrounds. We ate way too much and played way too many games and had a total blast. Although I grew up occasionally attending the Arizona State Fair, I have to say that the one in North Carolina is pretty special. There's just something really grand about it that invites tradition. It somehow feels cleaner while also being more condensed, and there are many exceptional stands of sweets and treats that the true local fair-goers know and love. We were lucky to have gone with friends who had been going to the State Fair since they were little, and they showed us all of the greatest places to go!

Although we knew it was going to be different, as soon as we moved back here to AZ we knew that the Arizona State Fair was high on our list of October activities. We finally got to go yesterday with some friends, and I couldn't help but think and wonder at what traditions we might form over the next few years. Will our kids grow up going to this Fair? Will we always get little freshly fried mini donuts tossed in cinnamon and sugar? (I know I will). It's fun to think about, because after all, traditions have to start somewhere.

I did notice that our fair tastes and priorities have definitely been refined.
The last two years taught us not to play the games (waste of money, cause of frustration) and to really prioritize fair food. You can only handle so many stand specialties before you feel like you're going to hurl. (Is there a classier way to say that?)

I'm definitely more salt-focused. I want twirly spears of kettle-fried potatoes, spicy corn on the cob, bouquets of french fry ringlets with dollops of ketchup, crispy egg rolls on a stick.
Dustin is all about the fried candy bars and, ew, fried pop tarts. He loads up on the sweet stuff and, I can tell you right now, he regrets it heartily afterwards.

I'm not saying I didn't unceremoniously scarf down a baker's dozen of freshly fried mini donuts in cinnamon and sugar; I'm just saying the struggle is real and it will destroy you.

The Fair can be a big drain on your funds for not a whole lot of return, but I think there are many ways to go to a Fair and really enjoy yourself without spending so much. Avoid the games. If you must play, play one and set limits to how many times you can play. Suckers will literally spend $50 on one frustrating game for a stuffed animal that maybe costs $5. (I say "suckers" with great affection for my husband).

As I said earlier, prioritize the food. Choose a few must-haves and remind yourself that you weren't even hungry when you entered the park. There's no need to eat 7-10 times. I'm convinced that Fair food is bewitched, though, because you constantly feel like you need more which makes no sense. My tummy can't possibly be big enough for another bacon-wrapped, deep-fried turkey leg.

There are sometimes free concerts and other fun events to go to, so it's good to check those things out before you go. We were pleasantly surprised last night when we stumbled up to the stadium at the center of the Fair and realized Josh Turner was playing! We went in for a few of our favorite songs of his and rested our feet in the air-conditioning. It was such a nice surprise!

You can also check out all of the indoor aisles of demonstrations, samples, and lame displays. They're silly but they're fun! Also, the animals! Any State Fair of repute will have barns of cows (and maybe even cow hats!), goats, chickens, and sometimes even super weird-chested pigeons that end up creeping you out. Because seriously, who breeds pigeons? And why do they look like that?

The point is, enjoy walking around. Enjoy the lights and the screaming of happy fair-goers that reminds you of hours of playing RollerCoaster Tycoon. Watch your feet because the ground is filthy. Watch the crowds because people-watching is fun number 1!

Eat and watch and laugh and eat and go home happy.

more color, please! {frocktober, day 23}

Dress (remixed 1, 2, 3): Ruche, Sweater: LOFT outlet, Shoes (remixed): Zulily

Yesterday was my first full day in a new office. 

I'm still at the same job, but I've switched over to a new cubicle in my boss's office so she can just yell out her door whenever we need to communicate. It has actually been a rather delightful change for both of us, I think. I'm around more people (it's an office of 8 women), I'm closer to the food (this office is known for having lots of food-related celebrations), and I'm more motivated to work, ask questions, learn, etc.! 

Most of the girls are out of the office this week since it's Fall break, so it's rather quiet. But I'm excited to be a part of this environment. I'm the youngest one here, and I think this outfit packed full of polka dots and color, and my head of braids, definitely reiterated that fact. 

I'm alright with it, though. This week my husband and I have been listening to old high school music and reminiscing about the good ol' days of those oh-so-2000's whiny ballads from the likes of Good Charlotte, Yellowcard, Avril Lavigne, Michelle Branch, etc. It's so funny how music changes from generation to generation. It tends to go on a loop, though, and certain trends and music styles creep back into the mainstream every few decades. 

I'm currently loving Taylor Swift's new song Welcome to New York from her soon-to-be-released album, 1989. (I guess I'm in a Taylor Swift groove). I'm gonna go ahead and confess that I've always been semi-skeptical of her insane fame, but over the years (and after seeing her in concert in New York), I've realized that she has actually grown into a really interesting, smart, creative musician. She sounded amazing live, which wasn't always the case. I know a lot of people hate that she has deviated from her Country beginnings, but I think it's incredible that she's experimenting and this new album is a really impressive example of that. She started so young, it's no surprise to me that her sound has changed and that she's breaking into other genres. For this new album she honed in on one specific sound, inspired by the 80's (really pop, cosmic, techno), and just ran with the wind. I think it's a really promising album and I'm surprised by how excited I am to hear the entire thing in 3 days!

What's currently on your playlist? 

Happy Friday!

milkmaid braids

outfit: gifted // the shopaholic, earrings: chelsea girl designs on etsy,
sunglasses (remixed): ruche

Happy Friday, friendlies!

I'm incredibly excited for this weekend. My husband and I have planned an extravagant camping trip. I haven't been camping since I was a kid! Turns out most people hate camping (cue shocked exhales and shouts), which I find a crying shame. We had hoped to go gallivanting through the woods and around the lake with a fun group of people, but it has dwindled down to just us and my little brother. I'm actually fine with that, though. We bought a hippie canvas hammock and I plan on logging many hours in it with a good book in hand. 

On Tuesday I caught a glimpse of a milkmaid braid tutorial over at The Clothes Horse, so I decided to add that to this week's to-do list (also on my to-do list: find friends who like camping). 

I've always wanted to be more creative with my hair. In fact, for my birthday in October I was thinking about doing a "26 before 27" list (a list of 26 things I want to do over the next year, before I turn 27), and one of the things on that list is to learn how to french braid my own hair. 

I have yet to master the perfect ponytail, too. I'm lacking in the hair skill department. Maybe I should just take a class. Do they have hair handling classes?

Anyway. I washed my hair on Wednesday morning, and while it was still wet, I simply divided my hair into pigtails and pulled them across the top of my head. It was so much easier than I thought it would be! I was really excited. Such a quick and easy hairstyle for the week. I got a lot of compliments at work.

The only down side?

I was also asked to yodel, and called Bertha. One lady at work gasped because she thought I had chopped all my hair off. 

So, the jury's still out on this one. 

I personally love this style. Which is probably all that really matters. One of my favorite bloggers, Mara of M Loves M, wears her hair like this a lot, and every time I see styles like it I get all misty-eyed and jealous, and find myself wishing I could accomplish cute up-dos like that. Well, I have tried and conquered, so I'll keep trying my hand at new hairstyles!

Meanwhile, I'll be shamelessly milkmaiding it.