what might have been {frocktober, day 25}

Remixes: bow top / dress

Today, October 26th, was the due date for our first baby. We called her Poppy, because that's the size she was when we lost her. We'll never know if she was a boy or a girl on this side of heaven, but she's still a very intricate part of us. Sometimes, at the oddest and strangest of moments, one of us will turn to the other and just say, I miss Poppy. She changed the way we experience sorrow, our love for each other, our marriage, our family. I've mentioned before how I have been dreading this day. Now that it's here, I feel a very solid sense of painful gratitude. It's a relief to be here in a way, to be facing this dreaded milestone and still be intact. 

Carrying our son William has been such a complex variety of layered joy, fear, hope, sorrow, excitement, love. It's the dichotomy of tears. My husband showed up to work this morning with a bouquet of wildflowers, some soil, and a packet of poppy seeds for us to plant a garden of poppies together in our new home. I honestly can't think of anything more wonderful than having a garden of poppies. It also makes me want to cry. He also brought a card that he had written both to me and to Poppy. It was perfect and it broke my heart. We cried together in the car, and I have never felt so grateful to have him by my side. His heart is a privilege to know. He loves our babies. He is the best dad. I cannot wait to see him in action when William comes into the world. 

What might have been is a cruel daydream. But today is not a day to dwell on tragedy or loss, but to draw closer together and bask in the happiness she brought to our lives in such a short time. I like to say her life was vibrant. It was. It still is. We spend our time now dreaming of our future garden, and loving on both of our babies with all our might. 

sleepy says {frocktober, days 17-20}

I think both my husband and I have come to realize that we're completely at the mercy of fatigue these days. We've spent every weekend working tirelessly on getting our house ready to move in, and as a result, we feel drained at the start of every week. The week days go by in a heavy blur. I've gone back to my coffee addiction, surprise surprise! Starbucks detours have been frequent. Every evening after work, we're torn between our desire to be productive and our even weightier desire to try to catch up on the rest we've been missing out on each weekend. The sleepiness usually wins out. We're pajama-clad before dinner and in bed as soon as we can manage it.

Thus, my lack of daily blogging. Every night I make a mental note to take and edit photos so I can post them the next morning - but this week they've piled up on me once again. I can't believe it's already Friday again. I honestly feel like I didn't even live through this week. It was all a dream. Someone else went to work for me and I stayed back home inside my own head, content to exist in a haze. 

In 1 week we'll be heading to North Carolina for our Fall getaway to see our besties from law school, and having that to look forward is so delightful. I hope you all have had a much mightier week, full of energy and inspiration. Enjoy this past week of Frocktober outfits below (remix info is at the end of the post). 

Remixes:

Outfit 1: Dress | Outfit 2: Green Cardigan

Outfit 3: Purple Cardigan

Outfit 4: Dress 1, 2, 3 // Denim 1, 2

tgif {frocktober, day 8 and 9}

Outfit 1: Dress (remixed): gifted

Outfit 2: Top: zulily, Dress: borrowed, 

Leggings (remixed 1, 2): Pink Blush Maternity

This weekend has already been speeding by. Any time we spend working on the house seems to eat away at our days. A full day seems less effective somehow. So many projects, so many minutes slipping away. It's hard to feel like real progress is being made until you take a peek at those "before" photos and realize how incredible the difference is already!

Yesterday we finished the wood floors (!!!!!) downstairs; the only room that still needs them is the front office, which will remain closed off for a while until after we move in. No rush to get that room finished. I'll confess, I took a little break from working on the house to have a little girls lunch to celebrate the return of Reign. Season 3 premiered this week, so we had a themed lunch with Scottish Potato Leek Soup, French Bread, Madame Macarons, and Nostradamus' Brew. It was a blast.

The last two outfits of this past week were for basic comfy layering. As you can tell, I've been on a stripes kick. I don't think I've ever worn stripes with stripes before, but I really wanted to wear this cozy striped maternity top my mom got me for my birthday. I love the orange sleeves. I didn't want to wait until after Frocktober to wear it, so I needed to dressify it somehow. It's so long that it might almost be considered leggings-appropriate, but not quite. I used one of my borrowed bodycon dresses to add length and continue the stripes all the way down.

Now, I'm getting ready to don a big t shirt and workout shorts to go work on the house some more. I'll be dressing up this evening for a little belated birthday gathering with friends. Have a beautiful Sunday, friends.

symbols {frocktober, day 1}

Harry Potter dress (remixed 1, 2, 3): sold out/Harry Potter Shop
Boots: Urbanog, Belt: Forever 21

Yesterday dawned as the glorious first day of Frocktober. I love this challenge. I hope it continues to grow every year. This year is especially bizarre, since it's a maternity Frocktober for me, but the spirit remains and I love seeing other women participate and be encouraged and inspired by this fun challenge. It means different things for different people, but I hope it always provides an outlet for creativity and intentional living.

This is pattern mixing at its simplest and best. I love pairing a black and white pattern with something bright, like these pink and gold stripes. Because it was the first day of October, I wore boots in protest of the 106 degree weather. I also celebrated by wearing my Harry Potter symbols dress, because October, among other things, makes me think of Hogwarts and magic and pumpkin-filled feasts that I long to attend.

A Ruche Lookbook: Class Act

I'm always elated when I get an e-mail about a new lookbook from Ruche. While I've been attempting to curb my shopping habits while we work on the new house and prepare for our baby to arrive at the end of the year, I still love to be inspired. That's why I love Ruche so much. Their collections inspire me with their beautiful clothes and thoughtful details and sets. We're getting close to my favorite time of year, which is also my favorite time of lookbooks: the fall and winter. I love all of the plaid, stripes, loafers, booties, textures, lace, gorgeous scarves, creative layering, and glitter and bling that comes along with these seasons.

Take a look and be inspired by their Back to School lookbook, Class Act. 
These are my favorite ensembles! You can see these and more in their New Arrivals this week.

weekenders {frocktober, day 17+18+19}

Outfit 1: Dress (remixed 1, 2 / similar 1, 2): Ruche, Jeans (similar): Target
Outfit 2: Dress (remixed 1, 2)/Necklace: Ruche
Outfit 3: Dress (remixed): LOFT, Top (similar): Target

Friday, Saturday and Sunday dresses!

This weekend was one of fellowship and gathering around the table. There's nothing I love more than warm-bellied, smiling faces of friends around a dinner table. It's something special, for sure. Maybe my affection for it has grown for me since reading Bread & Wine, but I definitely have always loved meeting for food with family and friends.

When we still lived in Virginia one of our favorite things to do was head a mile down the road to our friends house and cook dinner together. We'd put on some music, pour some iced tea or cider, and dance around the kitchen while stirring pots and pans or chopping vegetables. We'd joke around that we were heading towards commune life, and oddly, we were all okay with it.
Even now, thinking about those memories brings a very special kind of warmth and sorrow to my heart. I miss it! But it was something so personal and wonderful to share recipes and meals and to go back and forth between each other's houses every other day. It was a little capsule of time that will always be very special to all four of us. It was outside of reality, because we were still in that extended college phase of life and meeting with friends for dinner every night was completely wonderful and normal.

This weekend we were able to call back those days with some friends from high school. We went to their house, holding a bowl of salad and a bottle of wine and we stayed late into the night sharing memories and stories and eventually digging into warm ramekins of piping hot pizzookie and vanilla ice cream. That's the good stuff right there.

I sometimes have the tendency to want to stay home all of the time. I love pajama time and TV time and reading time, and luckily my husband loves the opposite of all of those things too (dress-up time, party time, people time). This weekend was a great balance of the two, because we slept in on Saturday and I caught up on Reign and we were able to spend mealtimes with various friends and family. I call that a win.

frumpy {frocktober, day 13}

I lightly complained about having a cold yesterday but today's elevated cold kicks yesterday's in the tush.

I feel completely wrung out, and this morning my nose was so clogged up I couldn't even taste my pumpkin spice creamer which was basically the cherry on top of a rather crappy morning.
I went through an hour-long meeting trying not to be a sneeze monster, resorting to discreetly wiping my runny nose on my sweater sleeve. I've totally grossed you out now. I'm so sorry.

Did I mention I was leading the meeting, and that "discreetly" is more of a wish than a fact?
An unfortunate tendency I have when I have a cold is to be incredibly stuffy for about an hour or two, and then be violently seized with a conga line of sneezes. Usually a dozen, loud and unstoppable. I can try to stop them, but that just hurts my already pained face. The sneezes are somewhat of a relief, but they just keep coming. Afterward I usually feel like I did after I got my wisdom teeth out. Where am I. 

One time I was seized by one of these awful episodes while driving on the freeway and I suddenly became very aware of how life-threatening a sneeze attack can really be.

All of that to say, I am wearing dresses that feel more like pajamas and taking great comfort in stories. When I'm sick all I want to do is read or binge-watch my favorite TV shows. I'd love to just lounge around in a cotton gown in front of a fireplace like Danielle de Barbarac, but I'll also settle for the little patio setup of twinkle lights we created for my birthday party. I just started listening to an audiobook of The Cuckoo's Calling by Robert Galbraith (a pseudonym for J.K. Rowling!) and am really enjoying it so far.

I've also been diving back into The City of Falling Angels by John Berendt. It's a rather stunning story, full of the great mysteries of Venice, Italy. It's a true story but it reads like fiction, full of strange characters and a rather charming (and occasionally baffling) look at the intricacies of Venetian existence. I'm pretty enamored with it. Because I've been there, reading this has been giving me an even greater appreciation and understanding of the city. It is so unique.

I'm so happy to have the actual book in my hands, because I can mark my pages and underline passages and loan it to other people. I love my Kindle and Audible apps but there's still nothing like an actual hardcover books in your hands - especially when it's one you love. I endeavor to someday have a beautiful hardcover bookshelf of my favorite reads.

bar of s'mores {frocktober, day 3}

This outfit is a replica of one I wore during my first Frocktober in 2012, but I was in Virginia so I also added boots, a cozy vest and a big purple coat. Now that we're in desertland my Frocktober is looking quite different!

Yesterday at work I was surprised with this fun teal happy birthday necklace, a big happy birthday banner, confetti, and of course a giant box of cupcakes. I can't contain my glee that I work in an office that loves to celebrate with food. 

Then came my birthday party, which was also all about the food and I'm still savoring the memory of it this morning. Happy sigh. 

Everybody knows that s'mores are the sweet heavenly angels of childhood desserts.
Sure, they're a pain to make because they're sticky and messy and time-consuming, but that's part of the righteous victory of making them.
They're best eaten while camping, permeated with smoke and freedom.
Last night we recreated the brilliant exhilaration of the wilderness for my birthday, but we upped the ante a bit. We added a gypsyland of twinkle lights.

We had a s'mores bar, guys. It was such a genius idea, and I'm gonna go ahead and say I came up with it, and that Pinterest had no part in it whatsoever. I'm a terrible liar, but that's the nice thing about blogging - you can't even see my lying face.

To be honest this was nothing like camping because there was an actual bathroom available, the fire was huge (which would maybe mean death in the woods), and we had a fancy s'mores bar table with recipe cards and everythang. Baron Von Bacon, anyone?

NUTTY BANANA: 

Graham Cracker + Reese's Cup + Sliced Bananas + Marshmallow

CHOCOBERRY: 

Graham Cracker + Dark Chocolate + Sliced Strawberries + Marshmallow

BLACK & WHITE: 

Graham Cracker + White Chocolate + Mashed Blackberries + Marshmallow

SAMOA, PLEASE!: 

Graham Cracker + Mounds Bar + Caramel Drizzle + Marshmallow

THE GRASSHOPPER: 

Graham Cracker + Mint Chocolate + Marshmallow

BARON VON BACON: 

Graham Cracker + Caramel-filled Chocolate + Bacon + Marshmallow

There was a perfect little group of us, friends and family alike. The backyard was home base. There were chairs spread out in the desert around a mini marshmallow roasting fire. Because trying to marshmallow roast on a bonfire is the ultimate doom. You will never succeed. If you're lucky, your armhairs will be the only burn victims.
There was also gypsyland, which was an ideal lounge area because it's close to the kitchen and feels like a close cousin to neverland.

I think my favorite s'more combinations were the Black & White and the Baron Von Bacon. They were the most unusual and the most surprisingly delicious of the bunch! You definitely can't go wrong with a traditional s'more, or the Nutty Banana. Those sliced bananas add a delightful creaminess to the whole experience.

It was such a beautiful night. I loved every second. Gathering together for creative s'more-making is my idea of a very merry un-birthday in heaven. (Because we won't age there. Huzzah!).