31 weeks {frocktober, days 27-28}

Remixes:
Outfit 1: Dress 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6
Outfit 2: Dress / Cardigan

I don't have a lot to say this morning, except that WE'RE GOING TO NORTH CAROLINA TONIGHT! Technically we're getting on a plane tonight - we're flying overnight on a red eye. So we won't really be in NC until tomorrow. BUT the excitement remains and I can hardly stand it! This work day is dragging by. Wishing I could take a nap and sleep some of that time away. I'm really on board with that nap desk idea. 

It's almost as if Arizona knows that we're leaving, and is trying to tempt us to stay with the most gorgeous weather this morning. As soon as I stepped outside I just had to pause and take a second to breathe it in. It's a little taste of that North Carolina air. (Sorry, AZ). 

We're also 31 weeks now! He is the most active baby in the world, I'm certain of it. I cannot wait to meet him. He's going to be a hoot. He's constantly wiggling, hiccuping, twirling, dancing, kicking, snuggling. Sometimes he gets right up in my ribs and just nudges me, heyyyyy. 

I'll be blogging the last few days of Frocktober a little late, since I won't be blogging while we're gone. I'll just be enjoying the time with our friends and soaking it all in - our last little trip before baby! We have the best Halloween costumes planned (to go along with our previous Disney couple ensembles...), and I also have an incredible story to tell you all about a baby blanket that I found mysteriously sitting on my desk chair this week at work. It's a great one. See you all next week! 

then and now {frocktober, day 26}

Cat Dress: LOFT (old)
Remixed here, here, and here

Gosh, I love this cat dress. It's definitely one of my go-to dresses for work. I've worn it a lot, though I've only featured it on the blog a few times. It's incredibly comfortable and can be worn as-is. That may not seem like a big deal, but it is. I have to confess, I have far too many dresses that don't function that easily. Strapless, spaghetti-strap, open-backed. Those are fun to remix and layer, but I only have a few fantastic dresses that need no tampering with - they're perfect and outfit ready on their own. This is one of them.

I posted a great before/after photo on my Instagram of me wearing this dress earlier in my pregnancy (18 weeks) and then wearing it again yesterday, at 30 (almost 31) weeks. I think I'll retire this dress now until post-pregnancy. Those cats are looking pretty stretched. ;)

Instagram: 18 weeks // 30 weeks

what might have been {frocktober, day 25}

Remixes: bow top / dress

Today, October 26th, was the due date for our first baby. We called her Poppy, because that's the size she was when we lost her. We'll never know if she was a boy or a girl on this side of heaven, but she's still a very intricate part of us. Sometimes, at the oddest and strangest of moments, one of us will turn to the other and just say, I miss Poppy. She changed the way we experience sorrow, our love for each other, our marriage, our family. I've mentioned before how I have been dreading this day. Now that it's here, I feel a very solid sense of painful gratitude. It's a relief to be here in a way, to be facing this dreaded milestone and still be intact. 

Carrying our son William has been such a complex variety of layered joy, fear, hope, sorrow, excitement, love. It's the dichotomy of tears. My husband showed up to work this morning with a bouquet of wildflowers, some soil, and a packet of poppy seeds for us to plant a garden of poppies together in our new home. I honestly can't think of anything more wonderful than having a garden of poppies. It also makes me want to cry. He also brought a card that he had written both to me and to Poppy. It was perfect and it broke my heart. We cried together in the car, and I have never felt so grateful to have him by my side. His heart is a privilege to know. He loves our babies. He is the best dad. I cannot wait to see him in action when William comes into the world. 

What might have been is a cruel daydream. But today is not a day to dwell on tragedy or loss, but to draw closer together and bask in the happiness she brought to our lives in such a short time. I like to say her life was vibrant. It was. It still is. We spend our time now dreaming of our future garden, and loving on both of our babies with all our might. 

30 weeks {frocktober, day 21}

The Arizona mornings dip into the 60's and I'm suddenly all about the scarves, sweaters and boots. I'm a little bit anxious for our trip to North Carolina next week, where I'll actually be able to comfortably add tights to this same ensemble! Maybe even a beanie. I can practically feel the chill against my cheeks, and it absolutely cannot come soon enough.

On Wednesday we hit the 30 week mark. This milestone hit me square in the teeth because I am so not ready to be done with pregnancy yet. I know I still have 10 weeks to go, but that suddenly seems like such a short amount of time. I actually get teary-eyed thinking about it. How weird is that? Even with all of the struggles, pains, and nuisances of pregnancy, I ardently adore having my little boy with me. He's a part of me now in a way that he'll never be again. I know the next part is the good stuff... but I find myself feeling so protective of this time that he and I have shared together. I have him all to myself. It's this strange kind of selfishness that makes me want to cry about having to share him with the world soon.

I think before actually experiencing pregnancy for myself, the overall message I received was that it's a fairly negative experience. From Facebook posts, personal conversations, blogs, etc. Horror stories and the oh just you waits were the majority. To an extent, they still are. Not to say that those horror stories aren't real, because they definitely are - there are women out there who could rival Bella Swan for worst pregnancy ever. I think I have been very lucky, and obviously everything I say is coming from my own experience. I still think it's a shame that we often allow the complaints to permeate the conversation. Maybe we really do just struggle with the changes in our bodies (say goodbye to your figure forever, because you are doomed, lady!) and feel the need to share those things in solidarity, but I want to take a moment to truly appreciate what the last 30 weeks have meant to me. Maybe it's just the pregnancy brain talking, but these are the things I'm going to miss.

I'm going to miss feeling his twirling movements every day, wondering what he's up to and what expressions his face might be making. I'm going to miss the time I get to spend with him that no one else can have (including his 2am dance sessions). I'm going to miss going to bed with my arms wrapped around him, knowing he's safe and protected in there. I'll miss this phase of mystery and dreaming - what will he look like? What will he be like? Soon we'll know for certain, but this time of sweet anticipation is precious all on its own. I'll miss maternity clothes and bump pictures. Feeling the least body conscious I've ever felt, because this belly is supposed to hang out, thankyouverymuch. I'll miss the way Dusty and I spend every night holding hands over my belly, feeling our little one move and talking to him about the future. I won't lie, I'll miss being taken care of. The sweet words, the excitement, the tenderness.

I know that pregnancy can be (and is) a very scary thing for many people, but I have loved every bit of it. Even the sickness (he's healthy and growing!), even the fatigue (all day naps? yes please), even the weird and absurd body changes. And I do mean absurd. I have cried, I have been surprised, I have had to adjust. But lemme tell you, my body is a boss. We just took our first class ("The Art of Breastfeeding") on Wednesday and I think I can say that boobs are boss. Put that on a t-shirt and wear it around town. A woman's body is insane, it's all sci-fi up in here. God is a miraculous creator, isn't He? That's what pregnancy really is. He's just showing off. I'm proud to be a warrior of His handiwork. It's truly extraordinary. Especially because this process is the precursor to welcoming our son into the world. A real human. He is and always will be a part of me, a part of my husband and I. I will cherish this time forever. 30 weeks and counting. Tick, tock.

(I will recant all of these things in 10 weeks when I begin bribing doctors to get this child outta me pronto).

remix: horse print

Original posts left to right: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4

This silky horse print top was my first purchase from Modcloth. It was on sale for like $8, and I decided to take the plunge and buy it (along with this necklace and this dress). It was one of my first online purchases, before I became quite addicted to online shopping while living in Virginia.

I'm actually surprised how much I ended up liking this shirt. It's very silky, so I wasn't sure how I felt about it at first. I almost always end up wearing it tucked in to a skirt or underneath a dress. It layers really nicely. I think it's the print itself that I like the most. I'm such a sucker for animal prints, but this one is neutral enough to wear it often without too much repetition.

(See all of my remix posts).

floral valentine

Looking forward to special occasions always inspires me to go dress shopping. There's something exciting about wearing a dress for the first time on a special date night. While I wear a dress almost every day, I very rarely get dressed up to this degree. When I saw this floral dress over at Ruche, I knew it was the perfect fit for Valentine's Day! (P.S. Today is the last day of their "perfect match" sale for 25% off sitewide!).

This weekend has been so refreshing. On Friday I had completely forgotten that I had Monday off, so it was a really pleasant surprise to leave work with 3 whole days off ahead of me! Our Valentine's Day was delightful, and we spent all of Sunday with Dustin's family. Today is my bonus day of pajamas, Posie-making, Friends-watching, and coffee-drinking. There's nothing better than a Monday spent doing nothing. (Introverts unite!).

be mine

Happy Valentine's day, everyone!

I'm currently all fancied up and getting ready for Dustin and I's date night. We're seeing Kingsman: The Secret Service and going out to a new restaurant, Olive and Ivy! I can't wait.

Yesterday's outfit was definitely due to my novel dress series. This dress was inspired by The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch, and once I posted about it I couldn't help but buy it. That series has been so much fun to read and even though I'm the one that named it a Lamora dress, I needed to own it anyway. I'm really glad I took the leap, because I love it. It's much silkier and brighter than I originally thought, which is totally fine by me!

Overall, this post is just a quick note in honor of one of my favorite holidays. There are plenty of valentine naysayers out there, but I think it's beautiful that there's a day set aside for love every year. Of course, we should always show our loved ones we cherish and appreciate them, but Valentine's Day brings with it sweets and chocolate-shaped hearts, little cartoons of cherubs and Disney characters, Galentine's Day (cutesie term for honoring besties), and so many other fun ways to celebrate. Whether you're dating someone and dressing up for romance or simply dressed in pink and red to go out with your best friends, it's a day worth celebrating. We are lucky to have so much love.

Dress (shop!): Ruche

novel dress: children's books

a little princess by frances hodgson burnett // in the maldives printed dress

I couldn't help myself. After playing with books and dresses last Friday, I continued my pilgrimage for even more literary ensembles. This time around I focused specifically on children's stories (although to be fair, many of them hedge closer to young adult fiction). I'm currently reading A Little Princess for the first time, which was my first inspiration. I grew up watching the movie. It is such a beautiful book and it has only reinforced for me how much I love Sara and her story.

I love to read, and I've even shared my love for some of these books before. But it all had to begin somewhere. And for me, it started here. With some of these books. I feel a unique gratitude toward these stories that permeated my earliest reading years, and they remain most precious to me. They have stayed with me in a way that other books scarcely can.

There's something incredibly special and lasting about the first stories that blew your little mind, striking down those natural walls that arrive with adolescence and self doubt. I was lucky enough to have parents who loved my imagination and fostered it whenever possible. I remember Barnes and Noble trips where my mom would let me pick out new books, many of them chosen more for their front cover art than anything else. I would wander through the children's aisle for as long as possible, picking up smooth paperbacks and reading the back covers, breathing in the smell of the pages and being incredibly indecisive. It was impossible to choose just one.

There are hundreds of beautiful children's stories out there, so I am sharing some of my personal favorites here. I would love to know if you have ever read any of these. Even as an adult, these remain some of my favorite books and series. If you haven't read them, you should! They're very near to me. Enjoy!

a wrinkle in time by madeleine l'engle // paris streets printed dress

ella enchanted by gail carson levine // lamar ruffled dress

harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban by j.k. rowling // moore park trapeze dress

dealing with dragons by patricia c. wrede // leah lace dress

winnie-the-pooh by a. a. milne // endless love floral dress

deltora quest by emily rodda // empress garden printed dress

the book of three by lloyd alexander // garden paradise dress

inkheart by cornelia funke // you're invited floral dress

the giving tree by shel silverstein // lantana scalloped dress

(read novel dress: classics!)

novel dress

the lies of locke lamora by scott lynch // garden district dress

Have you ever come across a dress or an accessory that distinctly reminds you of something you've read, or of a character that you adore? 

I have recently been reading The Lies of Locke Lamora, a shockingly fantastic book by the daring Scott Lynch. (Warning: it's crude and sometimes violent. Think Venice, but add gallons more blood, crime and wicked genius. And also, you should read it.) It has been swimming around my mind constantly, and when I happened across that vibrant floral dress above, I immediately thought Camorr! Which obviously means nothing to you if you haven't read it, but it's the island city where the book takes place. It's a delightful place to be a thief. (Update: I totally bought this dress!).

Intrigued, I continued browsing on Ruche, making a new game of finding dresses that remind me of books and characters that I love. I thought I would share a collection of my favorites with you. 

If you've read any of the books below, what do you think of my selections? And if you haven't, you're welcome for loading up your wishlist. You can also follow me on Goodreads if you want to be bookish friends. 

Happy Friday!

anne of green gables by l.m. montgomery // lavender fields floral dress

peter pan by j.m. barrie // pixie dreams floral dress

daughter of smoke and bone by laini taylor // canyon horizon dress

harry potter and the sorcerer's stone by j.k. rowling // last kiss dress 

the ocean at the end of the lane by neil gaiman // midnight sky dress

pride and prejudice by jane austen // mossy path dress

i capture the castle by dodie smith // marvelous night dress

the book thief by markus zusak // dots knit dress

the secret garden by frances hodgson burnett // whimsical garden quilted dress

(read novel dress: children's books!)

sisterhood

I have always wondered what it would be like to have a sister. 

My mom and I went to Home Depot last night to run some errands, and I wandered around in the garden section for a while, eventually stumbling upon the two gorgeous pink roses pictured above. They were growing side by side. Rosy sisters. Something struck my heart in that moment. Perhaps it was longing, or a little bit of remembrance for my younger self, who always begged and wished for a sister. Or maybe it was a little twinge of something else entirely, a nameless emotion tied to seeing something simple and beautiful. 

I grew up with 3 marvelous brothers whom I love deeply, and friends and cousins that I attached myself to as a surrogate sister. I always envied my friends who had sisters, and would chide them when they fought because I couldn't comprehend fighting with a beloved sister. As I've grown up and my siblings and siblings-in-law have gotten married, I have even gained sisters-in-law, which is such a delightful bonus to my collection of siblings.

Funnily enough, every sister-in-law I have is just like me: we all grew up without any sisters. It strikes me as very strange and kind of lovely. What are the odds? We are a gaggle of sisterless women who love each other all the more because we are each other's first experiences with sisterhood. 

Dress (remixed 1, 2): Ruche

Star Sweater: remixed

Don't get me wrong: many of my friends have been like sisters to me over the years. I do not belittle those relationships in any way. I had several "sisters" growing up that I still love and cherish. They allowed me to share my room and giggle over secrets. And my sisters-in-law expanded that realm of relationship even further, filling up our family and making it more of a girl's club!

Even so, I realize that there is a very real question tucked away in the stitches of my being that will never be answered. I'll never know what it's like to have a real sister. Which in many ways is fine, because as they say, ignorance is bliss. I don't really understand the intricacies of what I'm missing. It's not a devastating or a heartbreaking thought, it's just something that I know to be true.
There are positive influences to growing up entirely with brothers, too. I owe so much of myself to them. My interests and many aspects of my personality. I think it's possible that I am the friend that I am because I never had any sisters.

In one of my favorite parts of the movie In Her Shoes, Maggie is trying to explain her sister Rose to her husband-to-be, Simon. The first half of the movie is very dark and sad, illustrating the strain and heartbreak that has wedged the two sisters apart. Maggie is basically telling Simon that her little sister is irresponsible, frustrating, immature, selfish - and that he'll end up begging her to throw her out of their lives.

But I won't. Because she's my sister. Without her, I don't make sense. 

That part always makes me cry, mostly because of the restorative nature of forgiveness and the steadfast love and loyalty that is inherent in sisterhood. I have been blessed to know and love many sisters in the world, catching a peek at what that relationship is really like. I know I get glimpses of it. 

I shall continue assigning myself as a surrogate sister to the many kindred spirits in my life, knowing that sisterhood is a beautiful thing, in every form.