working weekend {frocktober, day 2 + 3}

Remixes:
Outfit 1: Dress 1, 2 // Cardigan
Outfit 2: Dress // Sweater 1, 2

A few notes on the last two days of Frocktober. Maternity leggings are amazing. It makes me wonder why I haven't been wearing these for years. I was recently gifted 4 pairs for my birthday from Pink Blush Maternity, and they are so buttery smooth. It's a little bit absurd how happy they make me. I'd highly encourage you to try them out, whether you're pregnant or just a woman who enjoys having your bum cradled in a cloud.

Friday and Saturday have both been work days at #casaschan. I can't wait to show you complete room reveals, but for now you can follow me on Instagram for little updates here and there (@caitschan). We’ve been aiming to be moved in by the end of this month, which for the last few weeks has felt like pretty wishful thinking. But after an entire day of working on installing our beautiful laminate floors yesterday, things are looking up! I’ll confess I spent most of Saturday in a big t-shirt, shorts, and tennis shoes – but am still honoring Frocktober in the in-between. 

In case you’re wondering, our big list items that still need to get done are:

1. The rest of our floors – getting so close!

2. New countertops – we’ll find out more tomorrow!

3. Paint the master bedroom

4. Spray the property for scorpions (yuck!)

There are other bonus wishes, such as replacing our broken sliding glass door and painting the kitchen cupboards white. And, ya know, getting the nursery painted and decorated for the baby... There will definitely be plenty of projects to do once we’re moved in, but for now we’re trying to focus on the must-dos and save those other lists for later. 

craving lazy {frocktober, day 24+25}

Day 24 : Dress (remixed): gifted, Top: LOFT outlet, Cardigan: old, Shoes: Blowfish
Day 25 : Dress (remixed 1, 2): J. Crew outlet, Denim Top (remixed): Ruche

These last few weekends I have been having very acute cravings for laziness.

It starts somewhere around Friday morning, after I've had my coffee and I begin to count down the hours and the minutes to pajama time. My Friday night parties include me, my TV (or a good book), my cats, and something to snack on. I am quite the night lifer, I know.

My husband, though, is the opposite. He craves actual parties. He loves people and is energized by events and get-togethers and plans. I want no plans. I want couch. 

Sometimes it's a struggle to find a balance for what we both want and need. 

My husband feels really frustrated and unaccomplished when we spend too much time on the weekends doing nothing. (Which, I would argue, having an all-day sitcom marathon is not nothing). But, I see his point and I think lately I've just been wanting to crawl into my shell and disappear for a while. It's a part of me that shows up every once in a while, the extreme introvert that can occasionally take over. I've been especially susceptible to her lately. 

And also, I kind of just miss marathons. As disgusting as it was, I miss those years where we would literally watch TV for days, binge-watching shows together and being completely free to do so. Sure, we would eat our weight in crap like pizza and cookie dough but it kinda felt like a vacation. 

Right now we're stuck in that awkward stage of really wanting to partake in bouts of all-day indulgences, while also trying to find the strength and resolution to admit that oh my goodness my body hates me I'm too old for this crap. It's a side effect of the mid-twenties. 

Friday night I went to a 10 o'clock showing of Gone Girl with my dad and little brother and I feel like death warmed up. I just can't stay up that late anymore. I desperately want to hold on to my adolescence and take a full weekend to watch TV, but that's pretty irresponsible and is generally a waste of my time and a drain on my energy. It's time that I could be using to actually do something worthwhile. 

I wish I had the answers to feeling more secure, more grown up, more accomplished. I think we're both just feeling like we're in a rut and we're not sure how to get out of it, how to keep moving forward. We're just in the money-saving, planning, hoping in-between stage. Things are happening and we have ideas and goals and "I cant wait for"s, but it's just a lot of patience and waiting. 

Maturity encourages patience, so I'm going to keep putting on my dresses and going out into the world to nourish learning, activity, exercise, and relationships. 

That childish gal within me who wishes to stay in her pajamas for days at a time will just have to be saved for very, very special occasions. Like a real vacation, once we've saved up and earned one. 

to be a writer {frocktober, day 6}

I have always dreamed of being an author.
It's one of those vocations that really speaks to me. It would be so glorious to write something, something from my own mind, and actually release it into the wild world to be read and commented on and, possibly, loved.

It would also be absolutely terrifying.

I've started and stopped writing dozens of novels, jotting down ideas and even describing a few to my husband and friends for their opinions. It's a very vulnerable process and one I'm still struggling with. I have never, ever finished a writing project. Which is rather absurd, since I started writing and telling stories when I was just a kid. I have my first one somewhere, entitled Land of Celladore, a few chapters clumsily written and then abandoned. The self-doubt is really hard to quell. Which is why it's so nice to have people you trust to bounce ideas off of.
The problem is it's ever so much easier to create ideas than to actually complete them. Mid-story it's so tempting, when you hit that wall, to say - oh! What about this? This is a great idea! I'll write about that instead!
Only to discover mid-story, again, that it's just as difficult as the last. It's a terrible pattern of loving and leaving.

I think one of the farces I often create for myself is that I have to find the right thing to write, so it can get published and read and adored by millions. Right? Isn't that the order of business?
I somehow got it into my head that whatever I write has to be publishable. When the truth is, I could write 4 or 5 entire books before I write anything worthwhile. But it's about the writing, the desperate habit of writing -- the practice, the adventure, the experience.
I recently read something that clicked on a lightbulb in my brain. I think the bulb was already there, but it was never lit. If I write 500 words a day for a year, I would have a novel written. Period. Would it be good? Would it get published? That's all besides the point. The point is that it would get done! I would actually finish a book. And that, my friends, is the first of many great accomplishments for a writer-to-be. It would be the first of many steps toward writing that worthwhile something. It creates that system of follow-through that is so necessary to develop confidence, self-awareness and appreciation for ideas. Some of my favorite authors have books that were never published, first drafts that were absolute rubbish. The more you write the better you get, and that is the grand journey of it all.

All that to say - I'm writing a book. I think I'm saying it out loud in order to cement that accountability. It's out of my protective hands now, out into the world. You all know it and if this book ever makes it onto paper and into a cover, we can point to this post, dated and signed with the first hopeful admission.
It's not a good book, but it could be. It's from my own head and it's a work in progress. My goals for this year are to attempt to write that 500 words a day to build up my life's word count, and to hopefully finish a first book draft. It would be a fairly revolutionary accomplishment for me!
I hope to work hard, a little every day, to finish.
Even if it's just fertilizer, it'll be a nourishing beginning.