what might have been {frocktober, day 25}

Remixes: bow top / dress

Today, October 26th, was the due date for our first baby. We called her Poppy, because that's the size she was when we lost her. We'll never know if she was a boy or a girl on this side of heaven, but she's still a very intricate part of us. Sometimes, at the oddest and strangest of moments, one of us will turn to the other and just say, I miss Poppy. She changed the way we experience sorrow, our love for each other, our marriage, our family. I've mentioned before how I have been dreading this day. Now that it's here, I feel a very solid sense of painful gratitude. It's a relief to be here in a way, to be facing this dreaded milestone and still be intact. 

Carrying our son William has been such a complex variety of layered joy, fear, hope, sorrow, excitement, love. It's the dichotomy of tears. My husband showed up to work this morning with a bouquet of wildflowers, some soil, and a packet of poppy seeds for us to plant a garden of poppies together in our new home. I honestly can't think of anything more wonderful than having a garden of poppies. It also makes me want to cry. He also brought a card that he had written both to me and to Poppy. It was perfect and it broke my heart. We cried together in the car, and I have never felt so grateful to have him by my side. His heart is a privilege to know. He loves our babies. He is the best dad. I cannot wait to see him in action when William comes into the world. 

What might have been is a cruel daydream. But today is not a day to dwell on tragedy or loss, but to draw closer together and bask in the happiness she brought to our lives in such a short time. I like to say her life was vibrant. It was. It still is. We spend our time now dreaming of our future garden, and loving on both of our babies with all our might. 

color me in critters

Dress (remixed)(shop!): Ruche, Sweater (remixed)(shop!): JCPenney

Day 20: I realized when I was compiling this week's posts that my Sunday and Monday outfits consisted of a very similar color pattern!
I guess I was feeling cheerful after a brilliant Saturday night at the fair, and a Sunday spent at Chapel Hill with our friends. They showed us around their old college stomping grounds.
It was especially chilly, so we cozied up and went to a cute little breakfast place for coffee and waffles. Then we walked around the beautiful campus and enjoyed listening to their stories and memories.
Something about college days just resonates with me - maybe it's just that way for every graduate. But I loved hearing the details they remembered, like being able to make it to class at a sprint in 3 minutes flat, or where they spent their first date.
There's an odd sense of pride in being alumni, in having belonged to a specific community...one that continues to have a legacy that you're able to be a part of. There's a kind of nostalgia there that I can definitely relate to.

Day 21: I finally succumbed to Dusty's cold, and we have thus spent the week wanting nothing more than to be home, eating soup, in our pajamas.
But since that's not always an option, I stuck to my guns and still wore a dress. Layering with tights, a loose sweater-wannabe top and a scarf helped calm my pajama cravings, and we opted for going on a little double date night at Olive Garden for soup instead!
I pretty much always/only get soup at Olive Garden, so it totally hit the spot.

Dress (remixed): Ruche, Top: LOFT, scarf/earrings: gifted

I'm finding a renewed passion in scarves this fall. I don't think I've ever truly explored the many ways to use them, and I get lost on Pinterest looking at all the different ideas.
It's kind of like the time I realized you could knot and twist belts around your waist, rather than just buckling them. It brings a whole new dynamic to such a simple accessory.

Scarves are often one of those things I forget to use, style wise. I might wear them out of necessity, like in Paris or somewhere truly cold, but every time I see an outfit I really love with a great pop of color from a plaid or floral scarf I remember: oh right! I have a bunch of those. I should wear them.
And this one's extra great because it's a pop of color and a bit of sparkle.

creative layering: back bows

Early last month, I won $100 gift card to a local boutique called Gladiola Girls.
It's super cute and I fell in love when I happened upon it while walking downtown, so I was overjoyed to get the gift card from a Facebook 4th of July outfit contest!

It's a store I'd most likely have drooled over often, but never actually purchased from, except for a few perfumes and accessories - they carry higher-end clothing brands and most of them are out of my price range (I spent almost the whole gift card on this dress!).

Spending the gift card was a similar experience to my first Anthropologie purchase.
Freshman year of college I was introduced to the joy that is Anthro window shopping, and received a 15% off coupon for my birthday. I was so excited. I waltzed right in, grabbed the cutest mug I could find, and saved a whole $1.50 with my coupon.
The sales lady was completely baffled, maybe even a little irritated.
"Um...you know this is 15% off, and you can only use it once. You should probably save it for a more worthwhile purchase."
I stuck to my guns, "Oh, trust me. This is worthwhile."
That mug is still my absolute favorite, for being my first Anthropologie item and for being a special treat on my birthday as a poor college student.

My time in Gladiola Girls was no different. "Um...you're getting a $100 dress for free. And you're not buying anything else?"
Sorry, Girls, for being the worst customer ever and ruining the whole point of these kinds of giveaways...

I took these photos shortly after I got it:

...but didn't actually end up wearing it, so I left the photos unblogged. I always try and blog things that I actually wear for a full day or for a specific event, and this outfit wasn't quite right yet.
I was trying to scheme a way to wear it in cooler weather, because we've been having so many rainstorms and it feels like Fall is trying to sneak up on us a little earlier this year. While it's an adorable summer dress and has this great back bow, that makes it really tricky to wear during any other season.

I was determined to find a way to successfully layer it, even with the tricky back bow, before I posted the outfit.

So, voila! Thanks to some advice from Rebecca of The Clothes Horse (who also owns this dress in another color), and some searching around online and within my own closet, I managed to put something together.

Dress: Dear Creatures (shop, shop), Blouse: Ruche (similar), Cardigan: J. Crew

I honestly love this outfit.
It's completely different from anything I've worn before, and makes me love this pink bow blouse even more for its endless versatility!

I felt a little overdressed for work (especially when corduroy pants are my coworker's go-to clothing item), but didn't care too much because I was covered in bows and completely comfortable.

I even grabbed a cardigan to help with my occasionally freezing office, and just let the bow peek out the top (which, in case you didn't follow the link earlier, is how Rebecca styled it).

What do you think?

Sound off in the comments below!

wishing for springtime

A few days ago, the hubby and I snuck away for a fun late afternoon dinner after work.
He's been gone all week (in Chicago for a Mediation Tournament through the law school), so before we got home and had to get started on the laundry and the packing we decided to splurge at Texas Roadhouse.
That may seem like a weird date place, but it has become one of our go-to spots...why?

1. Hot rolls and cinnamon butter (free!)
2. Peanuts (free!)
3. House salad and chili (cheap!)

Haha. We love going there for a casual date night. It's perfect!

It was finally sunshiney enough to feel at home in bright colors, and I got to wear the first pair of sandals I've worn all season.
Of course, it's chilly again today, so it's back to tights and sweaters.
But we took a few seconds to take some outfit photos before our date. :)

Top: Primark in London (similar, similar),
Bottoms: Old Navy, (similar), Bangle: Kate Spade, Earrings: Cookie Lee

I'm in love with colored denim, and I don't see the affair dying down any time soon.
I'm happy to say I will be sporting colorful pants for years to come.
I think this spring is the perfect time to get my mint pair hemmed and ready for wear!

Cheers (and prayers) to warmer weather this weekend. :)

all the king's horses

I'm currently wearing pink tights.
I've spent the entire morning doubting myself and telling myself that no, the janitor wasn't judging me, he was just doing his job.
In my pink tights search, I ran into some serious problems. As in, I couldn't find any.
I searched 4 or 5 stores, and since there are no Forever 21s in Lynchburg (what kind of college town is this?), I felt kind of desolate.
I even almost went into Hot Topic, but save for the few adolescently turmoiled years in junior high, I'm never quite willing to be at a Hot-Topic-level in my life. No judgment here, though, for those of you who did go in there yesterday. You looked happy, kind of.

Target was the only choice, and the only choice they had was Pepto-Bismol.
It didn't actually say Pepto-Bismol on the label, but I went ahead and added it.
I almost grabbed the "wine" colored dark purpleish tights instead, but I knew in my soul I would never be satisfied accepting a challenge by skirting off into the purple zone. Nay, I had to bismol-it-up.

Please come by and ridicule me. The photos will be up tomorrow.

For now, enjoy yesterday's outfit! Devoid of any upset-stomache-medicine hues.

Dress: Ruche (similar)(remixed), Top: Modcloth, Belt: Gifted via LOFT (shop!)
Boots: Gifted via Zulily, Tights: Target

For those of you who don't know, my mom is a super amazing horse trainer.
My parent's house is located in Arizona, sitting on a good handful of acres and housing happy horses and other small animals. It was a joy to grow up there. It's still a joy to go back!
She built a business at home, calling it Grianna Stables. It has blessed countless people, including me!
She's a hard worker, a brilliant friend, a fantastic teacher and a wicked wit.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't buy this top just because it reminded me of her.

Somehow, my siblings and I weren't bitten by the horse bug.
We all split into various trails of passions and interests, and I think my mom was left a little bit baffled.
I'm kind of baffled, too, looking back. It makes me wonder and worry, a little, about what my kids will love and not love. It's easy to think about sharing my favorite books and music interests with my future daughter, but what if she hates the Beatles and wants nothing to do with leopard print and spicy food!?
My mom has been so gracious. And in turn, she has been blessed with a business that is overflowing with passionate women who love horses, love to ride, and love her. 
And I'm pretty confident that she will be followed around by little cowboy and cowgirl grandchildren who think she's the best thing in the world.

This weird little garden is hidden away on campus, across from the big house.
I find it both charming and strange, the home of stone sheep and cement benches and various shrubbery.

These pictures continually cause me to slap myself over that impulsive bang-cutting of 2012.
They can't grow out soon enough.

The Kiss of the Sun for Pardon
The Song of the Birds for Mirth
One is Nearer God's Heart in a
Garden than Anywhere Else on Earth

Until the next pink-tights-time we meet,

Cait