raining unicorns {frocktober, day 16}

Dress (remixed here, here): borrowed
Cardigan: Ruche, Leggings (shop!): Pink Blush Maternity

The weather has been gorgeous these past few days. It's a miracle. Cloudy skies, gorgeous sunsets, cool breezes. It's not quite Fall, but I'll definitely take the rain.

This is probably one of my favorite Frocktober outfits to date, and it's absolutely because of the unicorn cardigan. I bought this spectacular beauty while living in Virginia, and I have the fondest memories of wearing it while sitting in my favorite coffee shop downtown and reading great books and drinking lavender lattes. One of the last times I wore it was on St. Patrick's Day in Italy. It's one of those articles of clothing that is inherently magical (because unicorns), but is made even more fantastic by the many memories embedded in its thread from years of use.

This is the first time I've ever worn it tied in the front, although it seems to have been made for it. It's perfectly shaped for a little knot-tying. One of my favorite things about coming up with maternity style ideas is playing with different silhouettes - ones I'd never have wanted to achieve or accentuate before. It's sometimes an odd feeling to try and outline/highlight my stomach, which was always one of the areas that made me the most self-conscious. Now it's lovingly on display, held and cinched by unicorns. 

grown ups {frocktober, day 5 + 6}

Outfit 1:

Dress (remixed 1, 2): gifted // Leggings (shop!): Pink Blush Maternity

Outfit 2:

Dress (remixed 1, 2, 3, 4, 5): Ruche // Sweater (similar): LOFT

I think I've worn this aztec dress more than anything else in my wardrobe. It has become more of a long tank top in my current ballooned state, but it's still my go-to for a bright, comfortable dress. The 6th was rainy and cool, and it finally felt a little like Fall. I immediately brought out this grey knit sweater, which I bought this past summer in anticipation of a winter pregnancy. I got it for $10 at LOFT on super sale, and it has been sitting with its tags on just waiting for a day like this. I was so thrilled to finally put it on. The day I picked that sweater out does not seem that long ago, and I'm a little bit shocked at how the time has flown by. Here I am, wearing this time capsule sweater, 28 weeks pregnant and dreaming about that wintery breeze in the air.

This week has definitely been a reminder that I am a grown up. Sometimes it doesn't feel that way. Sometimes, while living with my parents and playing with kittens and planning weekend shenanigans, it completely escapes my notice that I'm in my late twenties and am about to move into a real house and have a baby. 

I turned 27 on Monday and the day just kind of whispered by. I kept shocking myself by being so calm about it. I've always loved birthdays a little too much - last year we had a fantastic s'mores bar bonfire party. This year snuck up on me, and I didn't plan a single thing. I remember being in a bit of a funk last year, too, and I think it's because I'm realizing that I can't quite accomplish the exuberance I've always reserved for birthday month anymore. It seems like something I should grow out of. Truthfully, I don't want to grow out of it - the thought makes me quite sad. But this year, it felt okay to be a grown up. To pay attention to more important things, and refrain from forcing focus on myself. My birthday was simple and lovely - I went to work, had lunch at my favorite cafe, gathered with my family for a delicious Chinese take-out dinner, and ended with my grandma's blueberry bread pudding for dessert. 

As this month progresses (I'm still quietly celebrating birthday month), the greatest birthday gift I can possibly imagine would be to finally move in to our house. We're also going to visit our besties in North Carolina on the 29th, which will be the perfect way to end this October. There are so many things to look forward to. Each day brings us closer to house, travel, holidays, and baby! Yes. Being a grown up is pretty grand.

remix: the basic shift

past posts: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5

I am incredibly fond of dresses. While my favorite, most flattering style of dress is probably the fit and flare, if I was forced to choose one single dress to wear it'd have to be the basic shift. It's the dress I would recommend to everyone as a must-have. It's endlessly versatile and easily remixed. I have wide hips, which I think discourages most people (myself included) to buy shift or sheath dresses... because honestly, who wants a dress that's super tight around the hips, and loose everywhere else?

My advice would be to buy a size up, for a comfortable fit, and fall in love with the many ways to style this wonderfully basic dress. Belt it for the fit and flare that you love, or tuck it into a skirt. Wear it plain with a loose cardigan for a super cozy feel, or throw a sweater over it because it's so easy. 

I've been self-conscious in the past because of how much I wear this dress. But it never gets old (to me - I haven't polled my family and friends). God bless the shift dress.

craving lazy {frocktober, day 24+25}

Day 24 : Dress (remixed): gifted, Top: LOFT outlet, Cardigan: old, Shoes: Blowfish
Day 25 : Dress (remixed 1, 2): J. Crew outlet, Denim Top (remixed): Ruche

These last few weekends I have been having very acute cravings for laziness.

It starts somewhere around Friday morning, after I've had my coffee and I begin to count down the hours and the minutes to pajama time. My Friday night parties include me, my TV (or a good book), my cats, and something to snack on. I am quite the night lifer, I know.

My husband, though, is the opposite. He craves actual parties. He loves people and is energized by events and get-togethers and plans. I want no plans. I want couch. 

Sometimes it's a struggle to find a balance for what we both want and need. 

My husband feels really frustrated and unaccomplished when we spend too much time on the weekends doing nothing. (Which, I would argue, having an all-day sitcom marathon is not nothing). But, I see his point and I think lately I've just been wanting to crawl into my shell and disappear for a while. It's a part of me that shows up every once in a while, the extreme introvert that can occasionally take over. I've been especially susceptible to her lately. 

And also, I kind of just miss marathons. As disgusting as it was, I miss those years where we would literally watch TV for days, binge-watching shows together and being completely free to do so. Sure, we would eat our weight in crap like pizza and cookie dough but it kinda felt like a vacation. 

Right now we're stuck in that awkward stage of really wanting to partake in bouts of all-day indulgences, while also trying to find the strength and resolution to admit that oh my goodness my body hates me I'm too old for this crap. It's a side effect of the mid-twenties. 

Friday night I went to a 10 o'clock showing of Gone Girl with my dad and little brother and I feel like death warmed up. I just can't stay up that late anymore. I desperately want to hold on to my adolescence and take a full weekend to watch TV, but that's pretty irresponsible and is generally a waste of my time and a drain on my energy. It's time that I could be using to actually do something worthwhile. 

I wish I had the answers to feeling more secure, more grown up, more accomplished. I think we're both just feeling like we're in a rut and we're not sure how to get out of it, how to keep moving forward. We're just in the money-saving, planning, hoping in-between stage. Things are happening and we have ideas and goals and "I cant wait for"s, but it's just a lot of patience and waiting. 

Maturity encourages patience, so I'm going to keep putting on my dresses and going out into the world to nourish learning, activity, exercise, and relationships. 

That childish gal within me who wishes to stay in her pajamas for days at a time will just have to be saved for very, very special occasions. Like a real vacation, once we've saved up and earned one. 

render me handless {frocktober, day 22}

Dress (remixed 1, 2, 3, 4): Ruche, Sweater/Shoes: gifted

Yesterday I posted an Instagram of this outfit while I was finishing my coffee in the break room, and the caption on the photo said,

"I know they don't make a whole lotta functional sense, 

but I adore sweaters that render me handless."

I said it just to be witty and silly, since my hands were completely hidden in the sparkly folds of this cozy sweater. And it's true - I love me some sweaters. I have been wearing sweaters throughout this entire month, even though it has barely dipped below 90 degrees. I call them my "stubborn sweaters". I want it to be Fall, and so it will be, even if it's just in my mind. I would rather sweat a little on the walk to my car than dress in shorts and tank tops in the middle of October. It's too depressing!

But as the day went on I started thinking a little bit deeper about the idea of rendering myself handless. I won't invite you completely into my train of thought because I'm not sure you ever wanna really get inside my head. 

Like one of my favorite moments in an episode of Friends, where Phoebe is trying to remember an important restaurant, supposedly with "rainbow" in the title. After a while of Chandler guessing, she finally yells out, "L'Espace!" So he says, "Rainbow L'Espace!" And she shakes her head. "No, just L'Espace." He thinks for a second. "I'd love to know how you got from rainbow to L'Espace." And her eyes widen. "No you wouldn't. You don't wanna get in here."

Anyway. Down the rabbit hole again! Back to the issue at hand. 

What would it be like without hands? There are obviously humans in the world that have been actually rendered handless, either from birth or by some tragic accident, and they have to adjust accordingly. Everything about their daily functionality and physical movement and interaction changes. It's incredibly difficult to imagine. 

There is also the scripture verse in Matthew that says if your right hand offends you, or causes you to stumble, cut it off. I don't personally take that verse literally, because I think we'd all be limbless or dead if that were the case. But the idea still sits here, simmering in my mind. 

Rendering myself handless. It would revolutionize the way I live. I would be unable to reach for things. Unable to reach, greedily, for things I could not afford. Unable to grab another in anger. Unable to eat without thought or restraint. Unable to text and drive, or spend time clicking away on my phone instead of being present with loved ones. I would have to ask, see, discern. I would have to choose carefully and live creatively.

It's an interesting thought.

So, Lord, guide my hands - or render me handless. 

remixing {frocktober, day 7+8}

Dress: Ruche (similar 1, 2, 3, 4), Star Cardigan: Gifted (similar 1, 2, 3), Button-Up: J. Crew

I decided to wear the same dress two days in a row this week for a chance to do some Frocktober remixing.

This amazing aztec-print dress has been remixed on this blog and beyond many times (see here, here, here, here in italy, and here in italy again). I've actually worn it even more than I realized! I've had it for almost exactly a year. I got it for my birthday last year and have been loving on it ever since. 

I don't normally purchase shift/sheath dresses online (or honestly at all) because I'm pretty self-conscious about a straight fit. I prefer the fit and flare. And especially buying online without trying it on, there's the risk that it'll be too tight - but I totally lucked out on this one! It's the perfect fit. It's comfortable by itself and I can always belt it for that added definition. It's the perfect skirt beneath a cozy sweater and works really well for all seasons of layering. 

When I was in Italy in March I wore it belted with tights and boots, with a thin turtle neck underneath it and a green army jacket over it. I don't think it'll ever get that cold here in AZ but there are always fun options for wearing cute dresses when traveling in colder weather!

  

On a total side note, I really wish I could share this star cardigan with you. I'm a tad obsessed. It was a gift from my friend (the shopaholic, although this time she bought it specifically for me!) from Nordstrom's last chance store up in Phoenix and I'm fairly confident there's no way to find it ever again. Which I kind of love because it's incredibly unique. But I also feel sad for you. So, if you're ever in town and need a fantastic knit cardigan for a night out, stop by and I'll share the wealth.
But you have to promise to give it back.
:)

to be a writer {frocktober, day 6}

I have always dreamed of being an author.
It's one of those vocations that really speaks to me. It would be so glorious to write something, something from my own mind, and actually release it into the wild world to be read and commented on and, possibly, loved.

It would also be absolutely terrifying.

I've started and stopped writing dozens of novels, jotting down ideas and even describing a few to my husband and friends for their opinions. It's a very vulnerable process and one I'm still struggling with. I have never, ever finished a writing project. Which is rather absurd, since I started writing and telling stories when I was just a kid. I have my first one somewhere, entitled Land of Celladore, a few chapters clumsily written and then abandoned. The self-doubt is really hard to quell. Which is why it's so nice to have people you trust to bounce ideas off of.
The problem is it's ever so much easier to create ideas than to actually complete them. Mid-story it's so tempting, when you hit that wall, to say - oh! What about this? This is a great idea! I'll write about that instead!
Only to discover mid-story, again, that it's just as difficult as the last. It's a terrible pattern of loving and leaving.

I think one of the farces I often create for myself is that I have to find the right thing to write, so it can get published and read and adored by millions. Right? Isn't that the order of business?
I somehow got it into my head that whatever I write has to be publishable. When the truth is, I could write 4 or 5 entire books before I write anything worthwhile. But it's about the writing, the desperate habit of writing -- the practice, the adventure, the experience.
I recently read something that clicked on a lightbulb in my brain. I think the bulb was already there, but it was never lit. If I write 500 words a day for a year, I would have a novel written. Period. Would it be good? Would it get published? That's all besides the point. The point is that it would get done! I would actually finish a book. And that, my friends, is the first of many great accomplishments for a writer-to-be. It would be the first of many steps toward writing that worthwhile something. It creates that system of follow-through that is so necessary to develop confidence, self-awareness and appreciation for ideas. Some of my favorite authors have books that were never published, first drafts that were absolute rubbish. The more you write the better you get, and that is the grand journey of it all.

All that to say - I'm writing a book. I think I'm saying it out loud in order to cement that accountability. It's out of my protective hands now, out into the world. You all know it and if this book ever makes it onto paper and into a cover, we can point to this post, dated and signed with the first hopeful admission.
It's not a good book, but it could be. It's from my own head and it's a work in progress. My goals for this year are to attempt to write that 500 words a day to build up my life's word count, and to hopefully finish a first book draft. It would be a fairly revolutionary accomplishment for me!
I hope to work hard, a little every day, to finish.
Even if it's just fertilizer, it'll be a nourishing beginning.

aside from pumpkin {frocktober, day 2}

Yesterday was a lazy day as far as pictures are concerned. I think the whole mood started when I heard Katy Perry's "Friday Night" on the radio. Something about hearing "tgif!" chanted over and over seems a little unfair on a Thursday. Needless to say, Frocktober was just as fabulous as ever, but we got bogged down with errands and things and weren't able to take any proper photos. I still wore my dress all the day long and thoroughly enjoyed this cool-weather traipse through the desert to capture these couple of grainy photos on my phone.

The desert is gorgeous right now. Still warm during the days, but not too hot, delightfully chilly in the mornings and evenings. Fall gets a lotta love for being the best season around. I didn't really care about it until I moved to Virginia and realized that it actually is the best season around. It's absolutely gorgeous. The colors, the flavors, the crisp air, the coziness, the love for life that comes swiftly and easily every time you step out your door. It really is the best. Being an adopted east coaster for a while really taught me the joys of it. I hope we can eventually design an annual trip out there for the prime golden time.
BUT pumpkin gets crazy amounts of attention for being the Fall mascot, and even though I love it, I'm gonna have to say I love these flavors even more:

Butternut Squash. 
Pumpkin is just another squash, and yet it gets elevated to godhood while little butternutter just stands there begging for love. In Australia they actually call it Butternut Pumpkin, which I think is quite right. I just don't think there's anything better than a warm, creamy bowl of butternut squash soup. Holy gourd, it seeps right through your body like a miracle. It's beautiful.

Caramel.
In my opinion, caramel is best served with a really bitter dark chocolate. Caramel is often too sweet, which is also a big fault of the general pumpkin-flavored multitudes. I need something to offset that sweetness. Which is why I also adore salted caramel and my dad's caramel popcorn. He makes his own caramel, piping hot and boiling, and pours it over a giant bowl of freshly popped kernels. It's honestly the best part of the holidays for me.

Maple.
One of my favorite episodes of Friends is the one where Ross and Chandler go to Vermont, and Ross gets totally crazy and sugar-high twitchy over maple candy. I can totally relate! Maple donuts are the only donuts for me. Slightly warmed up with creamy coffee - yum!
Close flavor favorites to this are crunchy toffee and butter rum.

Hazelnut. 
I really think Fall is the time for nut-flavors. Hazelnut, pecan, walnut, almond. Almond especially goes so well with fall spices, like cinnamon and spiced chocolate. I wish Starbucks carried almond syrup, because that would be lovely. But in that regard, hazelnut is the king.

I recently discovered that Starbucks actually carries a hazelnut drizzle, and I'm seriously wondering how in the world no one told me this before. Thank goodness for that apt barista who followed his hunch and asked, would you like hazelnut drizzle on this? Well of course I do! Where have you been all my life! Your brethren have let me down!                                          

Hazelnut is my daily comfort. It's what I put in my coffee every morning (and occasionally in my iced coffee with drizzle in the afternoons). It's rich and lightly sweet and carries extra special meaning once the weather begins to cool. And also, nutella. That's all.

Pushing the big-headed pumpkin aside, what's your favorite Fall flavor? 

I'm extra excited because tonight is my little birthday get together, and we're having a bonfire with a s'mores bar. Best idea in the universe. And yes, nutella will be an honored guest. 

We spent last night getting groceries and cleaning up. We even hung a little gypsy-garden of lights over a large wooden table and chairs on the back porch. I think I may just move out there. 

Can't wait to show you all photos. It's going to be a great birthday weekend!